Feb 14, 2020
Introducing Life Is Crap
Life is crap for sure. We get up everyday and try our best hopefully...making decisions that will bring us closer to happiness and our dreams. That of course is what we all want, but more often than not life has other plans for us. Life can be so hard and cruel it's untrue, and that has certainly been the case this week for myself and my family. This podcast episode breaks down what has been happening in my life this week. This life is crap episode goes behind the scenes of a major stroke that my mother has had this week. I talk about how it has of course affected her, but also how it has affected the whole family in negative ways. Not least by changing mindsets to life is crap mode, instead of focusing in on what an amazing gift even having a stroke is. Why Life Is Crap And Why It Shouldn't Be The world is full of the graves of people that would love to be moaning and groaning, but arent around anymore. Cancer victims, war heros, unfortunate souls that just were in the wrong place at the wrong time. People who would love one more day on earth. One more hug from their loved ones. Or simply one more breath. But alas, they were not given the chance as life is crap for them. For some reason their fate was sealed by forces out of their control..and why, well you know already Life is crap. But lets take another look at things and this time put a positive spin on them instead. My mum has had a major stroke and now is sitting in a hospital bed unable to move. She has a decision to make as she lays their with dark thoughts running around her mind. She can either think "well at least i am still here, surrounded by people that love and care for me" or "why the hell has this happened to me...i dont deserve it" She is still breathing, she is still eating, she is still watching Netflix. She isnt in a box six feet under the ground becoming lunch for worms. She is sitting up telling the world that life is crap, life is crap...oh my god how crap it is. Hopefully soon she will see what a gift that is. Transcription Of Life Is Crap Episode Intro 0:00 When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph. David Ralph 0:26 Yeah, how do they have good morning? Well, good morning, and thank you for being here with me on Join Up Dots. Now, this is a show I haven't planned. I haven't planned at all. I'm just turning on the mic. And I'm just going to start talking. And if my voice cracks a little bit, I'm very emotional at the moment. One of one of the things I wanted to do with Join Up Dots right at the very beginning was give you guys the inspiration to follow my journey and see that it's possible and not just being Oh yeah, he's this person that Barry's got a team of 1000 people and he's making it seem really, really easy. But it's not. It's just me. It's just me and I do you know, everything through Join Up Dots. And I've started it right from the very beginning, when it was just a dream in my head, and I've grown it to, you know where it is now seven years now coming down the line. And it's been hard. It's been really, really hard. And but it's been brilliant as well. And it's been sort of exciting, and I've connected with people across the world. But this week, it's been a bit of a difficult week for me personally. Last Saturday, my mom had a major stroke, and we didn't know excuse me, we didn't know anything about it. If you know anything about strokes, there's there's a very short window of time when you can reverse a stroke the blood clot goes to the brain and bacon sort of put chemicals in or something I don't know too much. about it To be honest, because I haven't read too much about it because when I have started reading it, it's upset me. So I'm not reading that. And I've sort of put it away. But there's a short window. And last Saturday, I was working here, my mom and dad live, probably about 10 minutes, five to 10 minutes across the town. And so I can get there very, very easily. And my dad went out for the morning on Saturday. And just after he left, my mom got up and had this massive stroke. And apparently she got out of bed. And she just sort of walked across to one side of the room, the opposite room to the phone, ironically, and suddenly fall, I don't feel very well and Ben she caught herself in the mirror and she said I could feel that one side of my face was going and that was it. She's all blacked out. Now when she came to she was trapped down beside the bed and her dressing table. And as it turns out, she fractured her ankle in two places as well. So she she basically laid there My dad came home about six hours later. And he came in and thought this is strange, you know, a cup of tea is downstairs, He always makes bourbon, certain things hadn't been done. And so he sort of walked upstairs now, but that's it too. And my mom's it should be it very, very shortly. And now it's fit as a fiddle. You know, they really are. There's been no issues at all, but anything. And he goes upstairs and he finds my mom trapped. And so he phones my wife, because that's the sort of emergency contact and she phoned me and I was just happening to go into a football match with my son. So she phoned him and I don't have a phone. I've never had a phone in my life. And this is the first time that I thought, shit, I should shut up a phone. Really, you know, what, what happens if something happens, you know, people always say what about emergency and I was saying emergencies don't really happen. They don't. And, you know, I still covered it because my son was with me, but you You know, we we turned around, we didn't go into the football match and we raced across the town. And we got there and it was evident. As soon as I got there that mom had had a stroke. And she was in a bad way she'd laid on the floor for about six hours. And with the emergency situation here, you have a four hour window. And so if she had managed to phone as soon as it happened, she would have already been in hospital but because she'd gone past that they didn't class her was as serious because there wasn't as much that they could do. And so effectively, we had to wait another seven hours for the ambulance to turn up. And it was about 12 and a half hour window for her to have this stroke to where she is now in in hospital. And she's lost her speech. She's lost her right arm and she's lost her right leg and got no sensation. Now fortunately, the speech is coming back. That's that's a positive and in many ways, I've been there every single day going there. hospital, she, she almost looks like mom now she she's sitting in bed, and she's moaning about certain things. And I bought a tablet with Alexa on it, so that she can speak to it. And it can turn on Netflix and do different things because you know, you're just sitting there in bed all the time. So it's been, it's been a rough, rough, rough, old week. And I've learned so much in this week. And that's kind of what I want to share about. I've realised that you know, we all say that life is fragile. And we always say, you know, you've got to make the most of every day but to be honest, we don't do we need no matter how positive and I'm one of the most positive people. We don't we don't focus in on, you know, every morning waking up and going, you know, this is another day, you know, I've been given a gift, I can do whatever I want. And when that gets taken away from you, and now my mom is sort of sitting there in bed, so I don't know why this has happened to me, you know, I don't deserve this, you know, I've done nothing wrong. It's quite difficult to say the least I'm listening to her talk and staying positive and motivated and trying to encourage everybody just to go out and do their best life. And it's, it's affected me Because now, you know, and you don't want to be hypochondriac but you start thinking Christ, what would happen if this happens to me because I earn my living by talking basically. And so if I suddenly couldn't talk and that was taken away from me, you know, what would I do and our whole family would be turned upside down. Our whole family has been turned upside down anyway, because daddy's rushing up to the hospital. I'm trying to get up every single day as much as possible. And one of the things I've realised is because I've got an entrepreneurial business people kind of feel Oh, it's not a business, you can just do what you want. Now, there are certain controls that I have in place, certainly. But I can't just you know, up and go at any time of the day because I've got people that I've organised, I've got bookings in, you know, it's my business is my income being produced. And it's made me realise this week that people don't see an entrepreneur job as a proper job. They see it as a bit of a jolly, you know, I don't really know what you're doing. You're, you're you're just up in your office and you know, that baby can do this baby could do that. So I've been pulled from pillar to post, trying to run Join Up Dots, deal with my coaching clients, get up to see my mum over time, support my family and haven't really supported myself. One of the things I've realised big time this week is, even though as I'm talking now, I can feel, I would love to really just sub sub sub, I can feel it in me, I can't let go, I can't let go. It's that I know that people look at me to be the rock. And I think I've trained myself to be like that all the way through my life. You know, my mom doesn't show much emotion at all. And my dad doesn't matter. It's almost like it hasn't happened. He just sort of like living his life in a normal way, sort of doing some bizarre jobs just to keep himself busy and stuff. But you gotta let that emotion out. And I know that, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to actually unplug myself to perceive that because, you know, my daughter's 14, she's crying all the time, you know, and she's just like, I can't stop, I can't stop. And my wife said a little blob. And I think everybody has except for me, I just can't do it. But you've got to allow that emotion to come through because it's is not good. And I know that I know that. So it's it's not going to be a long episode this one. And I'm not going to try to weave it into some shoes, the motivational you know, seize the moment, get out there and do your thing because you don't know how how long you're going to be on this planet bore, I course we should do surely we should do we should wake up and not just being Oh, I'm going to sit down, watch a box set of whatever, you know, try to make a difference in your life try to make a difference that is sustainable as well as the thing I've realised I realised that a lot of Join Up Dots would be taken away from me instantly. And so I've got to look at it at the level of creating more passive income that can be maintained even if I'm not part of it. You know, I've always felt that the big power is if somebody buys one of my products or my coaching that I'm there, you I'm supporting them. But maybe that isn't the wise thing to do going forward. You know how you guys I don't know, I don't know what to say in this episode, and I don't know what to do. But I just thought it was right for me to tell you and tell you that life is real, you know, Join Up Dots is real. You know, you can listen to other podcasts. And I listened to them. And a lot of time. I think they're talking crap. I really do. I think they're, they're selling a dream. But is it best to give, you know, because they had investment at the beginning, or they have a team behind them, even some of the ones but but I know. And there you go. Yeah, you've done so well. You've done so well. Yeah, I have. But from the moment I started, I had three or four people working for them and that's that's totally different. That is totally different. That's not how most people can start. Most people are a side hustle. So, back back develops into something. Most people will have that dream and start building something in their lunchtimes and in their evenings. And they can afford to invest in people that can afford to invest in PhDs and virtual assistants and all that kind of stuff. So it's a dream built on lies, I think, because it's not what most people can get. And so I just didn't want you to be out there. thinking, you know, and listening to Join Up Dots and hopefully listening to Join Up Dots and thinking but, you know, this is, this isn't real, because it is and it's a real person behind the scenes, talking through a microphone, building a business as I go, trying to inspire you guys and trying to help you guys and support you guys. But it's a real person that has real issues, and has a life going on. That sometimes is out of control and sometimes isn't what you want to be. So yeah, so we're one week week into it really, it happened on Saturday. This is now Thursday as I'm recording today. I've got four podcast episodes to be done later on. To be honest, I don't feel like doing them, I could have cancelled them quite easily have just cancelled them. But that's not right. You know, these people have set up their schedules to appear on the show and stuff. Just because I've got issues doesn't mean that my issue should be passed on to other people. You do what you do. You try to find a way through the solution or the situation and you you are bad for the people that matter most, which which leads me actually on to a realisation that I have been nurturing relationships on line with people that quite frankly, don't deserve it. And it's always me but messages BAM and sort of make sure they're all right and it's always me. I rarely get a message back from anyone at all. And I've realised this week, but that's not gonna happen anymore. I'm gonna, I'm stopping that. I'm not spending any time on people that, quite frankly, don't deserve it. No matter how many sob stories I get, no matter how many leads that I get, and I do get a lot of people that, you know, they come to me every three months, and I've spent time with them every three months, you know, trying to support them, and then the next time they're exactly the same position. I'm cutting it off, because that's not good for me, that's not good for you guys and the ones out there that are willing to really make a difference. And now effectively the people that have come through my coaching, so, Tom that I'm teaching at the moment, Glenn, Ben, David, everyone, I apologise if you know I haven't got your name at the moment, but you guys will get emails from me, you guys will get follow ups to say, Are you okay? Do you need any more help, because you are the guys that are actually making a difference you've invested into yourself. And so you will not get bombarded but I'm going to try to keep up with you guys all the the coaching clients because you're the guys that deserve it and the other people across the world that are just time energy suckers. I'm not giving that up anymore. It's just not worth it. You're only on this planet once and you've got to make the most of each day and you've got to channel your energies into the right people. So Join Up Dots that was a cheery little episode was it really was but um, it's real. Life is crap. It's honest. I want you to know about what's happening. And I'm sure loads of you have had the same situation with parents and loved ones and stuff and so my heart goes out to you because I know how it all feels. From beside, but until next time, I will see you again and I promise you it will be a lot more perky. David next time I'll try and get my head back into the game. Okay, see you later. Unknown Speaker 15:16 Bye bye. That's the end of China. Outro 15:20 You heard the conversation. Now when it's time for you to start taking massive action. Create Your life is he only live he will be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots. Unknown Speaker 15:43 Jolene, Jolene