Join Up Dots Business Coaching Podcast

When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David, Ralph. David Ralph 0:27 morning to you good morning to you. And thank you so much for being here with me on Join Up Dots wherever you listen, live as soon as I broadcast this to the world, or whether you listen at a time that's convenient to you sometime in the future, in the midst of time when I'm getting older, and my socks are getting saggy. Why is that? When I was a kid, I don't remember having baggy socks all the time. But now I'm always pulling my socks up. I say my socks are annoying me. What's up so annoying me. My wife says "Go buy new socks! I shouldn't need to buy new songs. How about that? Long enough anyway, I wasn't gonna talk about socks, but I'm glad I've got that off my chest. What I wanted to do first of all of this is entitled life is crap, part two, and it's a kind of follow on to last week's episode. Last week's episode was a very personal welcome me. Well, I highlighted incidents and situations that were going in my life at that time with my mother, having a major stroke and basically turning our life upside down. And I would like to say to so many people out there, thank you, everybody who's dropped me a line to tell me about, you know, they're sending prayers to my family and my my mom, and also telling me stories about what's occurred in their lives and how they've overcome it. And it's not something you know, as you get older vein, it's something that's naturally going to occur, not necessarily a stroke, but some kind of issue. So we're all going to deal with that and to a man A woman I'd like to thank you for getting my head straight and making me realise that I'm not alone. And other people are dealing with a lot worse than I am. And stop feeling sorry for myself because I was I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed last week. Now actually listen back to that episode. And it really I don't say, you know that much on a podcast, but it was just, you know, you know, I obviously wasn't engaged with what I was saying. I was just speaking from the heart. And I listened back and I thought, God, how many times did I say, you know, in that podcast, but it touched a nerve, as I say, and people have reached out to say very nice things. As we are at the moment, there's no sort of progress really, my mom's still in bed. She's still sitting there, her eating has become a little bit better. But everything else is pretty much the same. And I think it's going to be the same for mums. We're clinging to a little Yeah. Oh, I just saw your finger. I just saw that. I don't know whether it's just in our mind or not. Now, what I wanted to do Today's episode is just follow on from bad. Thank you to everybody. And hopefully I did respond to every single person. I've been trying to keep up with the emails coming through, either sending emails or personal responses by video, or recording my voice or whatever as I do, because I'm a podcaster. And if anybody hasn't received one, then there's a mistake is, I don't know why you haven't because I feel like I've covered all bases on that one. Now, I did receive an email from a lovely lady. She's lovely. She's gorgeous, called carlina Mendoza. And what a beautiful name carlina Mendoza. I imagine sort of a Hispanic kind of exotic dancing. I don't know why that is. But she may not be exotic and she may not be Spanish at all, but she's equally lovely. Whoever she is Catalina Mendoza and she said hi. I listened to your recent show about your mother and I just want to send my prayers to you. I had a similar thing occur in my life where my husband suddenly had a brain seizure, not quite a stroke, but enough to change our life forever. As a longtime listener of your show, I was wondering what your next steps will be as I totally spiralled out of control, and can link many of today's issues back to my husband's illness and love and light to you. carlina Mendoza, and I thought to myself, yeah, that's that's a good point. What am I going to do moving forward? Well, what I did last week, I spent the first few days I ever wanting to burst into tears, or punch people in the face. And I didn't do either of them. But that's the kind of where I was. And so I knew that I had to I had to create a new way of operating within my business. And at a time when I recorded that podcast episode, I said, you know, I'm going to keep the business going. I'm going to keep everything as it is. And when I push myself now, why am I doing this? You know, it's my business, I can make a decision. So the coaching clients that I've got, I kept to, and it was good for my mind to be focused on them and helping them build their businesses. And we moved through many good stages. Because I really got into it, I really focus because it was a departure from where I was. But other stuff, I thought to myself now I'm going to clear the decks. I'm just going to free myself and get my brain in order. And so I connected with everyone who wasn't, as I say, urgent or required or hadn't paid for my services, and said, Look, I need a bit of a breather here. I need to step away. And as I stepped away, it made me think about that speech. But Oprah says, and I play a lot of my show, but I don't often really reflect on it. I suppose. It's something that I play because I think it's important and the three big speeches I play Jim Carrey, Oprah and Steve, I think they are a conduit to everything the put the three together. That's why Keep on playing them time and time again. And so many people say to me, you know, it's I've just said, you know, Wfc, I'm focused on it now. So many people say to me, it's now hit home. On one day, there was a situation wherever, but both speeches hit home. That's why I play him all the time. But this was the one that I play. And this is the one I've been really thinking about this week from Oprah, Oprah Winfrey 6:21 the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this. What is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you're not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction. David Ralph 6:53 So I reflected on that and I thought what I need to do is become quiet and just do what needs to be done. So over the last year or so I'm not a big social media person, but you get sucked into it. And I mentioned this a lot, but I don't do a lot of social media, but I am on it. And I thought to myself, this is the time to make a break from it really get clear, really get focused on just what I'm doing. And so I went through to a lots of people, but I've been keeping these virtual reality, relationships going. And I sent messages to him. I think I mentioned this in the show last week, and to say, you know, I'm not going to be part of your life anymore. I'm going to move on. And I did that. And the majority of people didn't even respond back or didn't ask, you know, what's the matter or anything like that, and I thought well back, but there's a sign there. But I'm putting my energies into the wrong places where people don't really want it anyway. And so I closed off everything and from when was it last Wednesday. I haven't looked at anything on Facebook on Twitter, and I don't do a lot of scrolling up and down the feeds, but you do get sucked into it. And I've started to feel happier about myself, because it's just me. I'm not thinking about what needs to be done in comparison to where other people are. I'm just thinking about what needs to be done. In my own business, I've become quiet. And I've got a clarity. But I didn't have now I found this article online, and I'm going to read it out to you. It's not something that I'm going to make out. But I've got this information in my brain. But I think it's really, really important. And it's called how social media is killing your oxytocin levels, and keeping you from being your happiest self. So with the dark cloud last week, I needed to do something I needed to become happy again, and I would say I'm 80%. Now, I think there's about 20% sort of little cloud hanging over me, but I've accepted where I am now. So this is an article by Lady called Whitney of Virginia Morgan. It's a few years ago, she released this, but I think it's really, really interesting. And if you are not feeling happy in your life, then you can do something about it. And one of the things you can do is focus in on yourself, and just be aware of your own emotions and your own feelings and the way that you feel. So this is in response. Currently now men dosa and this is the steps I've taken to get myself back on track. Now, how social media is killing your oxytocin levels and keeping you from being your happiest self is the title of this post. People are slowly and surely replacing face to face human interactions with the cheap thrills and immediate satisfaction of social media interaction. I'm guilty as well. The lady says I have an account and I check it often. But what if you knew the dark side to this seemingly homeless social prevalence? I bet you don't think as you Sitting there browsing your Facebook feed. I'm damaging my oxytocin levels right now. Now, I'm going to keep this in layman's terms and not bore you with an overabundance of medical jargon and information, which is good because I would lose it here. So here goes. First, let's take a brief look at what we're talking about here and the brain and the feel good chemicals we need, but a lot to wait deep inside of it. Now, the first one is dopamine. Now we've all heard that but do we really know what that is? Well, this is a new low transmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centres. Open mean also helps regulate movement and emotional response. And it enables us to not only see rewards, but to take action to move towards them. Okay. Now, that was from psychology today. So if you think about all the sort of sexy times and the good things are happening in your life, more often than not, you feel really great and you move towards that. Pleasure because of the dopamine hit that it gives you, it makes you feel good. And orgasm is one of those ones that is full of dopamine and you go, you go crazy. And and, well, we'll leave it like that. But any kids listening you can ask your mom or your dad or your brother or your sister back there, added more than your mom and dad, seven tonin This is a neuro transmitter that is bound in the brain. It is responsible for maintaining mood balance and the deficit of it leads to depression. So we're kind of on an even keel when we've got an even amount of serotonin going through, it's not going to be peaks and troughs. It just kind of keeps you happy and and balanced, which is good. Now oxytocin, this is where it gets interesting, is a powerful hormone that acts as a neuro transmitter in the brain, and it regulates social interaction, and also sexual reproduction playing a role in behaviours from maternal infant bonding and milk release to mothers to empathy, generosity and the big overed again, which I said a little while ago, when we hug or kiss a loved one oxytocin levels increase. Hence, oxytocin is often called the love hormone. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in all bonding. The hormone is greatly since stimulated during sex birth and breastfeeding. And oxytocin is the hormone that underlies trust is also an antidote to depressive feelings. Right? Okay. So then the three things okay, now is the powerful trio of the all good feelings but we need to have in our life all the time and we can create this naturally. We don't need outside stimulations although it began again, a little bit of sexy time, go for it. That's my role. The creators of happiness, some might even say, are these free, they're all good feelings. Now, this is where it gets into the interesting thing with social media. oxytocin is arguably the most powerful of the phrase So for the sake of brevity, we're going to call it well, we're going to be mostly focusing in on it here. And it's often called the cuddle hormone or the bonding hormone. And also, the trust hormone is super powerful. It's the reason you want to cry all night in bed after a super hard breakup. You just lost your oxytocin supply literally, your body is responding to stress, and it knows it needs oxytocin to feel good. So last week with my Mum, I must have lost that because I just wanted a blob all the time. And I did. I kind of kept it in. In one I look like a girl you know, but and there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it before I get emails of a sexist nature. Now, evolutionarily speaking, our ancestors relied on oxytocin to fortify and create close knit relationships with each other, procreate and build survival based communities, as well as bond strong romantic partnerships is what we need. It's the bonding it connects us with real life. oxytocin is served as well in times of old and it serves us today too, but as a twist to it now, unfortunately, the future chop shop of the 21st century digital age is causing many of our ancient evolutionary biological systems to short circuit. We're getting counterfeit oxytocin via social media. It's not the pure stop now that that's interesting. We just stop it there. Okay. So we're making ourselves feel good by going on to social media, but it's not actually but good about we need is a kind of fake version. We can create it ourselves by doing the stuff that our bodies are actually saying you deserve. But we're not. We're bypassing that and going for the cheap thrill, but actually is ultimately taking it away from us and making us feel more miserable. All too often social media and other modern day factors are reducing face to face social connectedness and Giving us feelings of perceived social isolation or being an outsider who is unworthy of love and belonging. In other words, chatting with your mate on Facebook is not going to boost your oxytocin levels the same way chatting with them face to face word. That's why it's important to not let your online relationships replace your real time ones. Okay? That now not finding that balance can be dangerous to your mental health. And that is something we often don't think about when going online. It's social acceptability. And subtleness in essence is what makes it dangerous. Like a submarines missile lurching forth underwater aiming straight for our brains, you're not going to see it coming, and the destruction happens slowly over a long period of time. To break it down more precisely, there are three ways social media inhibits the healthy flow of oxytocin. Now, hopefully you haven't switched off of this because I think this is really, really important. Number one, it displaces more authentic social experiences because the more time a person's Online, the last time they had real world interactions, I'd realised that I've realised I was thinking I was being with friends, but actually I wasn't. And the other night, I went out with a lovely guy called Dan, who's near me, he was a client through the show, I had a brilliant time really enjoyed it. And Dan, hopefully, we will do it again. And I realised now that my focus is going to be less online and more in real world interactions. And that's with you guys as well. You guys, if you need me, I will speak to you but I will only speak to you face to face. Now that can be food zoo, that can be through Skype, whatever. But it's not going to be just an email back and forth. I'm going to try to limit that and try to find a way that I can actually connect with you guys in real world interactions. Now number two, certain characteristics of social media facilitate feelings are being excluded, such as when one sees botos of friends having fun at an event to which we're not invited. It. Now I've realised this as well that I used to flick up and down every now and again and see some old friends and I'd always be in a pub, they'd always be having a good time. And so I didn't invite me then didn't invite the old Ralph Meister. But of course, I only felt that way because I'd seen the photo if I hadn't seen the photo, I wouldn't have known they've gone anyway, so it wouldn't bother me. So the fear of missing out is a FOMO is a cold it is increased because we're going online, so we feel isolated even more because we're seeing things that we we couldn't have got to Anyway, you know, we see these pictures and we go, Oh, you should have invited us. I've been doing something else that day. You just can't know but you get that feeling of, I'm not part of the crowd. And also, its exposure to highly idolise representations of peers lives on social media may elicit feelings of envy and the distorted belief that others lead happier and more successful lives. Okay, so then the three things so first of all, Being online all the time, it stops the real world interactions. And we've got to get out and be part of life as we've always done it. Also, it makes us feel that we're excluded to beings we're actually we're not. If we didn't know that it was happening, it wouldn't bother us anyway. And the last type thing is that we look at people are having a wonderful time and all I'm doing is just a sort of day to day life. Okay. So, there's a tonne that we can do, okay, there's a tonne that we can do. And you do have control over your own oxytocin levels, and there's real social factors, ie Facebook and other social media outlets like that acquit. Quite literally hurting your feel good chemicals. So what should we do okay, should we delete all our social media accounts and go back to being nomads living in a cave? Well, baby, but that would be unrealistic. Now. What we say is just get balanced. Don't spend eight hours on Facebook. It's not good for your brain or your social development. Make time for Family, make time for friends. Make time for lovers. Seriously, your happiness quite literally depends on it. You are priceless and take care of your brain take charge of your mental health and your life. You only get one grand shot before it's lights out. So that there's a lot of information there. But I've already felt this this week, but I feel happier. Because I don't know what's happening. I go on the BBC website and read the news. That's fine. But I haven't looked at anyone's beads. I don't know what's happening. I become more productive because I'm just doing what I think needs to be done on my business. I've spoken to more people. I've developed more income streams into my business just in this last week of isolating myself from social media. Now I have to emphasise time and time again. I am here for you guys. I'm here to help you develop your businesses. I'm here to help you. You know create a podcast if you want I've been doing this for years and I know what works, okay? But I'm also here for you just to support. I'm here for the guys that are struggling. I'm here for the guys and the ladies but just need a little bit of assistance, okay? It's gonna be for the right people. And it's got to be done in a way that develops that live feeling. It makes you feel that you're connected to real people. So this week, I got off all that I've been walking around the pub, not the pub down to the pubs and man the gardens and stuff in our way because it hasn't been bad weather in the United Kingdom. I spent more time with my mom and I've done for the last 25 years. She don't really want to spend four hours a day with your mom when she's in her 80s but that's what I've been doing. And it's been difficult because you kind of run out of things to talk about because she's just lying in bed. You know, what the hell do you talk about and she doesn't really talk much back anyway. I've been doing a lot of that. And I can now see that it's a good thing for me personally, it's made me assess where life is and what I need to do to really take everything I'm doing to perfect scenario where it's highly profitable base highly profitable in a personal way, but it gives me ultimate free time, ultimate travel time ultimate enjoyment, and it gives me ability to meet you guys face to face and say, you know, let's make this thing work. So for carlina Mendoza, thank you very much for dropping me their email and thank you for everybody else's dropped me emails. She's doing a lot. I'm long journey ahead. I think I'm doing a lot as well. I'm in a much better place because of it. And I can't emphasise enough I know I'm running home but I can already realise that social media is bad. I'm going to say that it's more than bad. It's It's terrible. Okay, limit your time on it, get on, get off and focus in what's happening in in the real world. And I guarantee you'll start to feel better. I feel better already after a week. And I was a very small term time user of social media. Really, really important. Thank you so much, everybody, for listening to Join Up Dots, got loads of interviews coming through, we're really got a load in the can so you're not going to be missing out on stuff. One of the things I'm doing at the moment I've decided that I'm going to create an online course totally free to show you how you can make 1000 pounds a month really easily. And believe me once you do this, you're up in money. So I'm going to be giving that out for free once I've got that sorted, and I've got a load of other stuff as well to help you guys. Create your dream life or start paying off debts and stuff and being happy and going, you know, without Join Up Dots. I wouldn't be where I am today. Until next time, we see you know, coffee sales. Love you. Bye Outro 23:00 Bessie and China you heard the conversation. Now when it's time for you to start taking massive action. Create your life easy only life. Will be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots. Jolene, Jolene Return To The Top Of Stephen Pacinelli If you enjoyed this episode with Stephen Pacinelli, why not check out other inspirational chat with Clayton Morris, Dorie Clark, and the amazing Niall Doherty You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy

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