Business Coaching With Join Up Dots - Online Business Success The Easy Way !

On today's Business advice Friday podcast we focus in on several questions that have been posed to us by listeners across the world. We get many sent to us at the show, and most we respond directly, whilst others we like to answer on the show. Lets start with todays three emails. and remember you can hear all the answers on the podcasat live. Question One Dear David, I am a listener from Mexico and I'm very much enjoying your conversations. In one of your recent shows i was intrigued as to what you meant when you said "People dont buy what you are selling. My English is not totally amazing, so could you reconfirm Dennis, Mexico CIty Question Two Hi David, John from Albuquerque USA. I wrote to you a few months ago regarding my idea of "Garage Clearance Assistance" Although I was unsure, you lit the fire under me with your enthusiasm and positivity to the idea. I now have a business up and running making a couple of grand a month. I yet to have a website, social media or anything going, and started simply by getting leaflets printed and dropping them through doors with my email address. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me and my family transition to a better life. Sometimes you just need a GO FOR IT from someone, somewhere, and you were the man Beers are on me John Question Three Dear David, From a long term listener of the show, and a lady ready to go for it, i have an idea but need your help. I can see a need for people in my City (Dallas, Texas) to have their dogs looked after whilst they are at work. There are a lot of very wealthy people in this area, and so I know that they would be willing to pay. However, Im not sure how I can scale this business to give me freetime too. I dont want to be spending all my time looking after peoples dogs, even though I think this would be fun. Any ideas would be great. Amanda Knox, Dallas

Direct download: Business_Advice_Friday.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Introducing Matt Johnson Matt Johnson is a marketer, entrepreneur, podcast expert, and musician who joins us on the Join Up Dots podcast. Matt runs a podcast PR & production agency based in San Diego, an international team that helps business coaches and consultants break in and dominate their niche through podcasting. Matt currently hosts niche business podcasts and recently launched the Podcast Pitch Assistant program to help experts get pitched to podcasts consistently without doing any of the backend work themselves. He is a frequent podcast guest and event speaker to audiences around the US, Canada, and Australia. But that is just a bit of what he does as he says "Right now, there is a group of people running the business of their dreams. Building an audience, working with clients they love, and serving them profitably. How The Dots Joined Up For Matt They are thought leaders in their field. Are they famous? Depends on who you ask. They aren’t signing autographs at the grocery store. They aren’t taking selfies every five minutes. They aren’t trying to be everywhere on social media. Yet when they show up at industry events and conferences, they are recognized and sought after. What’s their secret? They have become famously influential to the right people. And so can you. My mission through the MicroFamous podcast, upcoming book and our podcast agency is to launch new thought leaders into the world. MicroFamous gives you a new strategy to attract an audience, build influence and create ideal clients - systematically. So you can teach, train and lead people without being locked into a business you hate. So what does it take to be micro-famous online in today's over saturated world? And where do people go wrong, focusing in on quantity or quality? Well let's find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Matt Johnson Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Matt Johnson such as: Why it is so important to find a deep niche and go with a subject that isn't saturated or main stream. The riches are in the niches. Matt shares why he is reluctant to travel the world and attend conferences preferring to be famous in his own tight community. Why there is a ground swell of people now who are dropping away from using social media and focusing on the smallest crowd possible. And lastly……… We wax lyrical at the bad advice that people are receiving when it comes launch a podcast, and what we would do to make it different.

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Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Peter Montoya is a #1 Best-Selling Author of The Brand Called you and his newest book The 10 Secrets of Leadership Power. He’s also a sought-after Keynote Speaker and Leadership Development Strategist with expertise in developing High-Performance Teams.  But for over two decades our guest was the financial industry’s go-to guru on marketing & branding, now he’s the CEO of ThriveUnion. ThriveUnion is the company of human well-being.  Through intentional community-building and research-backed education, we’re shaping a world in which people feel empowered to progress from meaningless isolation to purposeful belonging.  In our search for a life well lived – one of personal fulfilment and a desire to impact humanity’s greater good – we let reason be our guide, compassion our inspiration, and experience our teacher.  Now like most guests who appear on the Join Up Dots podcast our guest hasn't always been the go to guy. Our guest has a young man struggled through school with undiagnosed ADHD, he was admitted to and graduated from the University of California Irvine in Political Science. How The Dots Joined Up For Peter Post-college he became a travelling speaker and salesman, chalking up over 3000 presentations and living in over 22 major cities. Peter went on to found a successful advertising agency and software platform, dedicated to financial service professionals. He quickly became the industry guru, writing numerous books, including one of his best selling works “The Brand Called You”. Peter is a truly fascinating and multi-faceted guy, with decades of experience in speaking to audiences about his business knowledge, inspirational journey, and human behavioural insight. He now pursues his passion for empowerment and community building, shedding light on society’s growing loneliness epidemic through his visionary organization ThriveUnion. So how how did he take this early life lessons and transform his life to where it is today? And if he could give one big piece of advice to every listener of Join Up Dots what would it be? Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Peter Montoya Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weight subjects with Peter Montoya such as: Peter shares how he used to feel such negative emotions in his life, which he can see now did nothing more than hold him back, We discuss why gratitude always comes before happiness (360 from what most people consider to be true)  Peter reveals the stats that up to 25% of entrepreneurs might well be suffering from ADHD which can actually be an amazing superpower. And lastly................. During the chat we found out that having wonderful relationships are the number one benefit to a long and healthy life.

Direct download: Peter_Montayo.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David, Ralph. David Ralph 0:27 morning to you good morning to you. And thank you so much for being here with me on Join Up Dots wherever you listen, live as soon as I broadcast this to the world, or whether you listen at a time that's convenient to you sometime in the future, in the midst of time when I'm getting older, and my socks are getting saggy. Why is that? When I was a kid, I don't remember having baggy socks all the time. But now I'm always pulling my socks up. I say my socks are annoying me. What's up so annoying me. My wife says "Go buy new socks! I shouldn't need to buy new songs. How about that? Long enough anyway, I wasn't gonna talk about socks, but I'm glad I've got that off my chest. What I wanted to do first of all of this is entitled life is crap, part two, and it's a kind of follow on to last week's episode. Last week's episode was a very personal welcome me. Well, I highlighted incidents and situations that were going in my life at that time with my mother, having a major stroke and basically turning our life upside down. And I would like to say to so many people out there, thank you, everybody who's dropped me a line to tell me about, you know, they're sending prayers to my family and my my mom, and also telling me stories about what's occurred in their lives and how they've overcome it. And it's not something you know, as you get older vein, it's something that's naturally going to occur, not necessarily a stroke, but some kind of issue. So we're all going to deal with that and to a man A woman I'd like to thank you for getting my head straight and making me realise that I'm not alone. And other people are dealing with a lot worse than I am. And stop feeling sorry for myself because I was I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed last week. Now actually listen back to that episode. And it really I don't say, you know that much on a podcast, but it was just, you know, you know, I obviously wasn't engaged with what I was saying. I was just speaking from the heart. And I listened back and I thought, God, how many times did I say, you know, in that podcast, but it touched a nerve, as I say, and people have reached out to say very nice things. As we are at the moment, there's no sort of progress really, my mom's still in bed. She's still sitting there, her eating has become a little bit better. But everything else is pretty much the same. And I think it's going to be the same for mums. We're clinging to a little Yeah. Oh, I just saw your finger. I just saw that. I don't know whether it's just in our mind or not. Now, what I wanted to do Today's episode is just follow on from bad. Thank you to everybody. And hopefully I did respond to every single person. I've been trying to keep up with the emails coming through, either sending emails or personal responses by video, or recording my voice or whatever as I do, because I'm a podcaster. And if anybody hasn't received one, then there's a mistake is, I don't know why you haven't because I feel like I've covered all bases on that one. Now, I did receive an email from a lovely lady. She's lovely. She's gorgeous, called carlina Mendoza. And what a beautiful name carlina Mendoza. I imagine sort of a Hispanic kind of exotic dancing. I don't know why that is. But she may not be exotic and she may not be Spanish at all, but she's equally lovely. Whoever she is Catalina Mendoza and she said hi. I listened to your recent show about your mother and I just want to send my prayers to you. I had a similar thing occur in my life where my husband suddenly had a brain seizure, not quite a stroke, but enough to change our life forever. As a longtime listener of your show, I was wondering what your next steps will be as I totally spiralled out of control, and can link many of today's issues back to my husband's illness and love and light to you. carlina Mendoza, and I thought to myself, yeah, that's that's a good point. What am I going to do moving forward? Well, what I did last week, I spent the first few days I ever wanting to burst into tears, or punch people in the face. And I didn't do either of them. But that's the kind of where I was. And so I knew that I had to I had to create a new way of operating within my business. And at a time when I recorded that podcast episode, I said, you know, I'm going to keep the business going. I'm going to keep everything as it is. And when I push myself now, why am I doing this? You know, it's my business, I can make a decision. So the coaching clients that I've got, I kept to, and it was good for my mind to be focused on them and helping them build their businesses. And we moved through many good stages. Because I really got into it, I really focus because it was a departure from where I was. But other stuff, I thought to myself now I'm going to clear the decks. I'm just going to free myself and get my brain in order. And so I connected with everyone who wasn't, as I say, urgent or required or hadn't paid for my services, and said, Look, I need a bit of a breather here. I need to step away. And as I stepped away, it made me think about that speech. But Oprah says, and I play a lot of my show, but I don't often really reflect on it. I suppose. It's something that I play because I think it's important and the three big speeches I play Jim Carrey, Oprah and Steve, I think they are a conduit to everything the put the three together. That's why Keep on playing them time and time again. And so many people say to me, you know, it's I've just said, you know, Wfc, I'm focused on it now. So many people say to me, it's now hit home. On one day, there was a situation wherever, but both speeches hit home. That's why I play him all the time. But this was the one that I play. And this is the one I've been really thinking about this week from Oprah, Oprah Winfrey 6:21 the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this. What is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you're not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction. David Ralph 6:53 So I reflected on that and I thought what I need to do is become quiet and just do what needs to be done. So over the last year or so I'm not a big social media person, but you get sucked into it. And I mentioned this a lot, but I don't do a lot of social media, but I am on it. And I thought to myself, this is the time to make a break from it really get clear, really get focused on just what I'm doing. And so I went through to a lots of people, but I've been keeping these virtual reality, relationships going. And I sent messages to him. I think I mentioned this in the show last week, and to say, you know, I'm not going to be part of your life anymore. I'm going to move on. And I did that. And the majority of people didn't even respond back or didn't ask, you know, what's the matter or anything like that, and I thought well back, but there's a sign there. But I'm putting my energies into the wrong places where people don't really want it anyway. And so I closed off everything and from when was it last Wednesday. I haven't looked at anything on Facebook on Twitter, and I don't do a lot of scrolling up and down the feeds, but you do get sucked into it. And I've started to feel happier about myself, because it's just me. I'm not thinking about what needs to be done in comparison to where other people are. I'm just thinking about what needs to be done. In my own business, I've become quiet. And I've got a clarity. But I didn't have now I found this article online, and I'm going to read it out to you. It's not something that I'm going to make out. But I've got this information in my brain. But I think it's really, really important. And it's called how social media is killing your oxytocin levels, and keeping you from being your happiest self. So with the dark cloud last week, I needed to do something I needed to become happy again, and I would say I'm 80%. Now, I think there's about 20% sort of little cloud hanging over me, but I've accepted where I am now. So this is an article by Lady called Whitney of Virginia Morgan. It's a few years ago, she released this, but I think it's really, really interesting. And if you are not feeling happy in your life, then you can do something about it. And one of the things you can do is focus in on yourself, and just be aware of your own emotions and your own feelings and the way that you feel. So this is in response. Currently now men dosa and this is the steps I've taken to get myself back on track. Now, how social media is killing your oxytocin levels and keeping you from being your happiest self is the title of this post. People are slowly and surely replacing face to face human interactions with the cheap thrills and immediate satisfaction of social media interaction. I'm guilty as well. The lady says I have an account and I check it often. But what if you knew the dark side to this seemingly homeless social prevalence? I bet you don't think as you Sitting there browsing your Facebook feed. I'm damaging my oxytocin levels right now. Now, I'm going to keep this in layman's terms and not bore you with an overabundance of medical jargon and information, which is good because I would lose it here. So here goes. First, let's take a brief look at what we're talking about here and the brain and the feel good chemicals we need, but a lot to wait deep inside of it. Now, the first one is dopamine. Now we've all heard that but do we really know what that is? Well, this is a new low transmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centres. Open mean also helps regulate movement and emotional response. And it enables us to not only see rewards, but to take action to move towards them. Okay. Now, that was from psychology today. So if you think about all the sort of sexy times and the good things are happening in your life, more often than not, you feel really great and you move towards that. Pleasure because of the dopamine hit that it gives you, it makes you feel good. And orgasm is one of those ones that is full of dopamine and you go, you go crazy. And and, well, we'll leave it like that. But any kids listening you can ask your mom or your dad or your brother or your sister back there, added more than your mom and dad, seven tonin This is a neuro transmitter that is bound in the brain. It is responsible for maintaining mood balance and the deficit of it leads to depression. So we're kind of on an even keel when we've got an even amount of serotonin going through, it's not going to be peaks and troughs. It just kind of keeps you happy and and balanced, which is good. Now oxytocin, this is where it gets interesting, is a powerful hormone that acts as a neuro transmitter in the brain, and it regulates social interaction, and also sexual reproduction playing a role in behaviours from maternal infant bonding and milk release to mothers to empathy, generosity and the big overed again, which I said a little while ago, when we hug or kiss a loved one oxytocin levels increase. Hence, oxytocin is often called the love hormone. In fact, the hormone plays a huge role in all bonding. The hormone is greatly since stimulated during sex birth and breastfeeding. And oxytocin is the hormone that underlies trust is also an antidote to depressive feelings. Right? Okay. So then the three things okay, now is the powerful trio of the all good feelings but we need to have in our life all the time and we can create this naturally. We don't need outside stimulations although it began again, a little bit of sexy time, go for it. That's my role. The creators of happiness, some might even say, are these free, they're all good feelings. Now, this is where it gets into the interesting thing with social media. oxytocin is arguably the most powerful of the phrase So for the sake of brevity, we're going to call it well, we're going to be mostly focusing in on it here. And it's often called the cuddle hormone or the bonding hormone. And also, the trust hormone is super powerful. It's the reason you want to cry all night in bed after a super hard breakup. You just lost your oxytocin supply literally, your body is responding to stress, and it knows it needs oxytocin to feel good. So last week with my Mum, I must have lost that because I just wanted a blob all the time. And I did. I kind of kept it in. In one I look like a girl you know, but and there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it before I get emails of a sexist nature. Now, evolutionarily speaking, our ancestors relied on oxytocin to fortify and create close knit relationships with each other, procreate and build survival based communities, as well as bond strong romantic partnerships is what we need. It's the bonding it connects us with real life. oxytocin is served as well in times of old and it serves us today too, but as a twist to it now, unfortunately, the future chop shop of the 21st century digital age is causing many of our ancient evolutionary biological systems to short circuit. We're getting counterfeit oxytocin via social media. It's not the pure stop now that that's interesting. We just stop it there. Okay. So we're making ourselves feel good by going on to social media, but it's not actually but good about we need is a kind of fake version. We can create it ourselves by doing the stuff that our bodies are actually saying you deserve. But we're not. We're bypassing that and going for the cheap thrill, but actually is ultimately taking it away from us and making us feel more miserable. All too often social media and other modern day factors are reducing face to face social connectedness and Giving us feelings of perceived social isolation or being an outsider who is unworthy of love and belonging. In other words, chatting with your mate on Facebook is not going to boost your oxytocin levels the same way chatting with them face to face word. That's why it's important to not let your online relationships replace your real time ones. Okay? That now not finding that balance can be dangerous to your mental health. And that is something we often don't think about when going online. It's social acceptability. And subtleness in essence is what makes it dangerous. Like a submarines missile lurching forth underwater aiming straight for our brains, you're not going to see it coming, and the destruction happens slowly over a long period of time. To break it down more precisely, there are three ways social media inhibits the healthy flow of oxytocin. Now, hopefully you haven't switched off of this because I think this is really, really important. Number one, it displaces more authentic social experiences because the more time a person's Online, the last time they had real world interactions, I'd realised that I've realised I was thinking I was being with friends, but actually I wasn't. And the other night, I went out with a lovely guy called Dan, who's near me, he was a client through the show, I had a brilliant time really enjoyed it. And Dan, hopefully, we will do it again. And I realised now that my focus is going to be less online and more in real world interactions. And that's with you guys as well. You guys, if you need me, I will speak to you but I will only speak to you face to face. Now that can be food zoo, that can be through Skype, whatever. But it's not going to be just an email back and forth. I'm going to try to limit that and try to find a way that I can actually connect with you guys in real world interactions. Now number two, certain characteristics of social media facilitate feelings are being excluded, such as when one sees botos of friends having fun at an event to which we're not invited. It. Now I've realised this as well that I used to flick up and down every now and again and see some old friends and I'd always be in a pub, they'd always be having a good time. And so I didn't invite me then didn't invite the old Ralph Meister. But of course, I only felt that way because I'd seen the photo if I hadn't seen the photo, I wouldn't have known they've gone anyway, so it wouldn't bother me. So the fear of missing out is a FOMO is a cold it is increased because we're going online, so we feel isolated even more because we're seeing things that we we couldn't have got to Anyway, you know, we see these pictures and we go, Oh, you should have invited us. I've been doing something else that day. You just can't know but you get that feeling of, I'm not part of the crowd. And also, its exposure to highly idolise representations of peers lives on social media may elicit feelings of envy and the distorted belief that others lead happier and more successful lives. Okay, so then the three things so first of all, Being online all the time, it stops the real world interactions. And we've got to get out and be part of life as we've always done it. Also, it makes us feel that we're excluded to beings we're actually we're not. If we didn't know that it was happening, it wouldn't bother us anyway. And the last type thing is that we look at people are having a wonderful time and all I'm doing is just a sort of day to day life. Okay. So, there's a tonne that we can do, okay, there's a tonne that we can do. And you do have control over your own oxytocin levels, and there's real social factors, ie Facebook and other social media outlets like that acquit. Quite literally hurting your feel good chemicals. So what should we do okay, should we delete all our social media accounts and go back to being nomads living in a cave? Well, baby, but that would be unrealistic. Now. What we say is just get balanced. Don't spend eight hours on Facebook. It's not good for your brain or your social development. Make time for Family, make time for friends. Make time for lovers. Seriously, your happiness quite literally depends on it. You are priceless and take care of your brain take charge of your mental health and your life. You only get one grand shot before it's lights out. So that there's a lot of information there. But I've already felt this this week, but I feel happier. Because I don't know what's happening. I go on the BBC website and read the news. That's fine. But I haven't looked at anyone's beads. I don't know what's happening. I become more productive because I'm just doing what I think needs to be done on my business. I've spoken to more people. I've developed more income streams into my business just in this last week of isolating myself from social media. Now I have to emphasise time and time again. I am here for you guys. I'm here to help you develop your businesses. I'm here to help you. You know create a podcast if you want I've been doing this for years and I know what works, okay? But I'm also here for you just to support. I'm here for the guys that are struggling. I'm here for the guys and the ladies but just need a little bit of assistance, okay? It's gonna be for the right people. And it's got to be done in a way that develops that live feeling. It makes you feel that you're connected to real people. So this week, I got off all that I've been walking around the pub, not the pub down to the pubs and man the gardens and stuff in our way because it hasn't been bad weather in the United Kingdom. I spent more time with my mom and I've done for the last 25 years. She don't really want to spend four hours a day with your mom when she's in her 80s but that's what I've been doing. And it's been difficult because you kind of run out of things to talk about because she's just lying in bed. You know, what the hell do you talk about and she doesn't really talk much back anyway. I've been doing a lot of that. And I can now see that it's a good thing for me personally, it's made me assess where life is and what I need to do to really take everything I'm doing to perfect scenario where it's highly profitable base highly profitable in a personal way, but it gives me ultimate free time, ultimate travel time ultimate enjoyment, and it gives me ability to meet you guys face to face and say, you know, let's make this thing work. So for carlina Mendoza, thank you very much for dropping me their email and thank you for everybody else's dropped me emails. She's doing a lot. I'm long journey ahead. I think I'm doing a lot as well. I'm in a much better place because of it. And I can't emphasise enough I know I'm running home but I can already realise that social media is bad. I'm going to say that it's more than bad. It's It's terrible. Okay, limit your time on it, get on, get off and focus in what's happening in in the real world. And I guarantee you'll start to feel better. I feel better already after a week. And I was a very small term time user of social media. Really, really important. Thank you so much, everybody, for listening to Join Up Dots, got loads of interviews coming through, we're really got a load in the can so you're not going to be missing out on stuff. One of the things I'm doing at the moment I've decided that I'm going to create an online course totally free to show you how you can make 1000 pounds a month really easily. And believe me once you do this, you're up in money. So I'm going to be giving that out for free once I've got that sorted, and I've got a load of other stuff as well to help you guys. Create your dream life or start paying off debts and stuff and being happy and going, you know, without Join Up Dots. I wouldn't be where I am today. Until next time, we see you know, coffee sales. Love you. Bye Outro 23:00 Bessie and China you heard the conversation. Now when it's time for you to start taking massive action. Create your life easy only life. Will be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots. Jolene, Jolene Return To The Top Of Stephen Pacinelli If you enjoyed this episode with Stephen Pacinelli, why not check out other inspirational chat with Clayton Morris, Dorie Clark, and the amazing Niall Doherty You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy

Direct download: Life_Is_Crap_Part_2_The_Next_Steps.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Introducing Mike Volkin Today's guest joining us on the Join Up Dots show is Mr Mike Volkin, who is big on freelancing and making this approach work for others. As he says "I have built and sold 4 companies and wrote 5 books (one-best seller). I recently launched Freelancer Masterclass to empower all those who side-hustle who want to make real income (that will replace their full-time job..) But he wasn't always as focused on this as you might expect. Leaving the Stephen F Austin State University with a master of science, environmental science and biology in 2000, he moved through several marketing positions within the corporate world for nearly twenty years. But as we see time and time again, an idea was brewing until it couldn't be denied anymore and he gave birth to that idea and made it real. That was Freelancer Masterclass in April 2019, which is a 9 step course that is 100% online. The courses contain video content, homework and quizzes. Along with the courses are interactive student chat boards and live bi-weekly classes so you can continue your education and interact with students and instructors. The instructors at Freelancer Masterclass are the best...of the best....of the best. These are freelancers who have proven themselves to be a master in their field. So was this idea one that once launched was perfect from the beginning or did it grow over a period of time? And why did it take so long for this action taking to truly start in earnest? Well let's find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Mike Volkin Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Mike Volkin such as: Mike shares how he used to try to function on less than four hours sleep per night and how it made him reassess. Mike reveals how he once spent over $40,000 on a website before ever checking to see that it was market fit. Big mistake How 30% of the worlds population are now freelancing across the world, a figure that is expanding every year. And lastly................. Mike shares how his passion has changed dramatically when the entrepreneurial bug really beat into him and the steps that he took. How To Connect With Mike Volkin Website Facebook Twitter Linkedin Return To The Top Of Mike Volkin If you enjoyed this episode with Mike Volkin, why not check out other inspirational chat with Clayton Morris, Dorie Clark, and the amazing Niall Doherty You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here– enjoy Interview Transcription For Mike Volkin Interview David Ralph 0:00 Once upon a time, there was a guy with a dream, a dream to quit his job support himself online and have a kick ass life. Little did he know that dream would lead him into a world of struggle, burnout and debt, until he found the magic ingredient and no struggles became a thing of the past. I of course, was that person. And now My dream is to make things happen for you. Welcome to Join Up Dots. Intro 0:27 When we're young that we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be, but somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling in Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph. David Ralph 0:52 Yes. Hello, man. Good morning, everybody. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning and welcome to another power fueled inspirational moment. combinational conversational episode of Join Up Dots. As you would expect if you've been listening to Join Up Dots over the last six years. That's what we deliver and we're going to deliver it again to you. But today's guest joining us on the show is big on freelancing and making this approach work for others. As he says, I've built and sold four companies and wrote five books one bestseller, and I recently launched Freelancer masterclass to empower all those who side hustle who want to make real income that will replace their full time job. But it wasn't always as focused on this, as you might expect, leaving the Stephen F. Austin State University with a Master's of Science, environmental science and biology in 2000. He moved through several marketing positions within the corporate world for nearly 20 years. But I guess as we see time and time again, an idea was brewing until it couldn't be denied anymore, and he gave birth to that idea and made it real. Now that was Freelancer masterclass in April 2019. Which is a nine step course that is 100%. Online. The course contains video content, homework and quizzes. Along with the courses are interactive student chat boards and lively bi weekly classes. So you can continue your education and interact with students and instructors. Instructors at Freelancer master class are the best of the best of the best. These are freelancers who have proven themselves to be a master in their field. So what's this idea one that once launch was perfect from the beginning? Or did it kind of come out a bit ugly and grow over a period of time? And why did it take so long for this action truly to start taking shape? Right now as we bring on to the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Mike Volkin. Good morning Mike. How are you? Mike Volkin 2:50 That was quite the introduction. I'm doing great. Thanks for having me on a longtime fan. David Ralph 2:54 I've we picked you up because when we first connected you was all floaty and all relaxed and you said you've just you just been Busy meditating, I don't think you can be busy meditating. But you'd certainly sounded like you'd got the benefits of it. Mike Volkin 3:07 Yeah, I'm really into meditating now, because I'm just getting to the point where I'm good enough that it's making a positive impact and on my stress and my time management, so I try to do it before guest podcasts like this and other other live events. So it's, it really helps me out. David Ralph 3:24 Now, I'm going to jump straight into this because my listeners will have heard me mentioned this, I can't do it. I can't do it. I, I kind of expect to be floating three feet off the off the floor. And then somebody the other day said to me know, as long as you're sitting there relaxed, then that's meditation as well. It doesn't have to be rolling white eyeballs, and sort of weird things happening. What do you do? How do you get into it? Is it just sort of just relaxing and then just thinking about things? Mike Volkin 3:54 Yeah, the best part about meditation is you really can't do it wrong. You just got to stick with it. It's kind of like going to the gym the first few times. You go it kind of feels weird and uncomfortable and different. You know, first time I meditated, I'm like, What am I doing in this empty room by myself, it kind of felt weird. But then, uh, you know, you stick with it. And after three weeks and four weeks, it's kind of you feel a little bit of some of the benefits. And then you just like going to the gym after a couple months, you start to see some noticeable changes. So really, what I do is I just, I sit in a room, I actually use an app called headspace. There's lots of apps out there, there's one called clear that's very positive, that's very unpopular. But really, I just let the guided meditation, meditation and voice just do its thing for 10 to 15 minutes, I just sit there, I make sure I don't lay down a lot of people make that mistake is they just they lay down, they get to relax. But with meditation, you want to be up and alert, I sit in a chair, and I just let my thoughts and my brain go with the flow and take it where it may and at the end of 10 minutes I just feel a lot more relaxed, a lot more focus, which is the big thing. And I really think now it's getting to a point where it's it's almost an investment on my time. If I don't do it, I kind of feel unproductive. David Ralph 5:02 Yeah, now I agree with you. I went through a big phase of Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, Hustle and got into some terrible condition. Now my thing is sleep, I get as much sleep as I can humanly squeeze into me. And you know, I just don't see it as a waste of time. I used to, I used to. So were you ever that kind of entrepreneurial idiot, but so many of us are where we go, I only need three hours sleep a month, and I can still function where you've ever that kind of guy. Mike Volkin 5:33 Yeah, you know, I mentioned I was a fan of the show, and I know I'm going to be doing a sermon on the mic. So that's one of the things I was mentioning is one of the big mistakes, or actually that's one of the things I will mention. During that sermon on the mic segment is one of the big mistakes I made when I was a serial entrepreneur still am but when I was really trying to build and sell companies fast, I was just working nonstop and I would lose sleep. I at best get four hours of sleep, trying to bring a product or service to market as fast possible. I know now, the real way to do it correctly is the exact opposite of Oh, hey, I did it. David Ralph 6:05 Now, what do we buy into that then Mike, why? Why does everybody either go through that? Is it to prove that they've actually committed? Because I kind of feel that that's the answer. We all kind of think, well, we can't say that women entrepreneur, we can't say we're starting a business unless we put any effort in. So let's really put the effort in. Mike Volkin 6:25 Yeah, it's almost like inspiration, you know, you get this inspiration, like you want to quit your job or you want to build a business or whatever is inspiring you and motivating you. And it's human nature, just to go all in 100% and really go after it, especially for someone who's entrepreneurial minded. But the real thing to do is pace yourself, you know, I'm a big tennis player, I, I play competitively. And, you know, what I want to do is I want to swing as fast as I can at every ball and hit the ball as hard as heck. But the real way to get the most control and most power out of the ball is to is to control your arm. It's kind of the same way with an entrepreneur. You don't go all in and Go fast, like like a sprint. You want to pace yourself and be smart about it. David Ralph 7:05 Now, let's get you into the freelancer world because that's why I invited you on the show because I, I like the idea of freelancing as a step towards entrepreneurship. I now after going through it, I think a lot of people could really do with being in the freelancer world for a couple of years as a tester to actually going out on their own. Would you agree? Mike Volkin 7:31 Absolutely. There's a term, you know, side hustlers. As you can imagine, it's a very popular gig economy. It's just getting so popular. It's I think, I saw a stat was an infographic by, which is the largest Freelancer platform in the world, they, they had said that over 30% of people worldwide who have full time jobs, do some kind of side hustle. So it's getting super popular and now, companies are starting to be more in tune to hiring freelancers, as opposed to two full time employees. So who knows What the next 10 or even 20 years will bring for the gig economy. Now, David Ralph 8:04 one of the reasons I like the freelancer world is it helps people develop their skills without having to try to get customers because that is the fundamental difference between having a business and really having a business people will sit there in a pub going, yes, what I'm going to do is do this and do that. And they kind of think of it as a kind of visual sense of, yes, I'm going to get a website, I'm going to get some business cards, but they don't really grasp the fact of how difficult it is in the early days to get customers. So we've freelancing sites like Upwork and all the other ones. A lot of that is taken away from them, isn't it and a lot of it naturally comes from Mike Volkin 8:45 Yeah, I mean, it's, it's easy and it's also hard to be a freelancer. I mean, the more you do it, the more you'll find it easy but getting started is the hardest part. It's you know, I referenced going to the gym, getting started is the hardest part right is actually making a commitment. You know, the way I got started With a certain skill set that makes me a good amount of money as a freelancer is I just read a couple books, you know, I mean, I was a marketer for a while. And I wanted to get into the technical side of search engine optimization. So I just started reading all the best books I could find on search engine optimization. And then I got a couple clients that way, just just from the knowledge I got from books, and that was several years ago. Now there's great sites out there like EU to me, and you know, those sites with courses even, you know, my own site. And, you know, there's ways that you can learn online from, from the best people in the world that will bring you video instruction step by step courses. I mean, there's so many research sources out there that you just really have to pick what you really are passionate about, and go with it and not just pick something because it's popular because someone else told you you should get into it. I David Ralph 9:46 mean, a simple way to actually pay for it. Now. I think, you know, I know YouTube's out there. I know YouTube's good, but I do think laser focused content developed, kept up to date, which is a key thing as well is worth paying for and there's a company out there I can't think what they're called you're gonna know who visa Mike I'm sure we've got like Gordon Ramsay doing a cookery class for you and Steve Martin Mike Volkin 10:11 doing classes David Ralph 10:12 master class of a year ago. And you look at that and you think, Well, why wouldn't you pay for that? Why wouldn't you have Mr. Ramsey teaching you something? You're not going to get that kind of knowledge elsewhere? Well, yeah. Mike Volkin 10:24 Yeah, I mean, there's there's YouTube obviously, we can go and you can see scattered information, you can type in a keyword, you'll get a video or two on the topic here and there. But the reason why I did masterclass is because it's a step by step course progression with actual resources spreadsheets that I use in my everyday business, you know, homework assignments and quizzes to track your progress. You just not going to get that on, on sites where you're watching a video or two on a particular topic, every now and then. So what's really popular is these masterclass style of courses where it's just leading the, the viewer through one specific step at a time and then by the end, you're Kind of progressive this whole course. And now you're just, you know, a rock star whatever you're doing with with my masterclass Freelancer masterclass, it's a nine step course. So you finish one you don't start on Step three, you start in step one for a reason. And then you go on to two, three and four that way. David Ralph 11:15 Now one of the things of course, we are going to be talking about that, but one of the things that interests me about you is I do my homework, and I go and I delve around, and I could see that you you left University in 2000, and being your LinkedIn profile starts about 2010. And I'm intrigued by that 10 year what what were you doing? Well, you were you flew in around California getting drunk and surfing, what were you doing? Mike Volkin 11:42 That was last week. So I was I graduated and I played the corporate game for a while, you know, my father was a scientist and I kind of liked science in high school. So I figured what the heck I'll study science, environmental science and college, got a couple degrees, got a dual bachelor's degree and then I got a master's degree. Then I went out and I spent time doing some environmental consulting, and I freaking hated it. I mean, I liked the work. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't my passion. I mean, I was just living the weeks living the months that year by year went by, and I just, I just wasn't, it wasn't doing it for me, you know? So David Ralph 12:17 it wasn't a mic looking back on it now, why wasn't it because, you know, okay, you can float through, you get paid, you get a Christmas bonus or whatever. Why wasn't it doing it for you? Mike Volkin 12:27 You know, it was more along the lines of people telling me when I could go on vacation when I needed to go to work when I could leave. But really, the big thing was my life's purpose. You know, I started thinking about when people look down on my grave at my funeral, what what am I going to be known for? Is it for the bed, I worked for 20 years for this company. I mean, what I was doing, honestly, as a scientist, especially as an environmental scientist, and I would I would travel all over the country, and I would write reports for comfort corporations and factories to tell them how much they can pollute within the law. And, you know, that wasn't my whole purpose. This one was to tell companies how much they could literally pollute within the law of their of their state or the federal government. And I would help clean up certain sites, what's called Superfund sites. But, you know, ultimately, I mean, my passion just changed. I went from wanting to, you know, help the earth and being a lab and do measurements and studies to get that entrepreneurial bug that once once that hits you that hits your heart and hasn't let go sense David Ralph 13:25 because I remember when the bug hits me. And it was just the fact that I started looking around. And I think for many years, and I've referenced this a lot when I started work, I'm an older man when you Mike, but when I started in 1986, there was no internet. There was no email, there was nothing. So you basically were quite content. Looking back on it. There was no mobile phone. You just went to work. The old way of a big pile of paper, and then at the end of it, it was like just go home. But once you start looking around and seeing what other people are doing and what other people are sharing claim to fame, why not me? And it's the big part of my life that I think, why do other people not feel like that? You know, why is that person just beeping things through beep beep at the supermarket? Why are they just content to sit there? Why Why haven't they got that spoke? Mike Volkin 14:20 Yeah, you know, some people, the vast majority of people are like that, you know, I mean, my wife is one of those people who loves her job. She likes going in at eight she loves you know, getting off at five and she likes her off time and she likes her vacation time. There's no fault to you know, people who liked that. But there are a lot of us millions and millions of us who just get that sense of, you know, what would it be like if I put this product to market I've always had this idea in my head for a book I've, I wonder if my extra knowledge I have on I don't know, football coaching could make me some money and then once you get a taste, in my experience once you get a taste of being your own boss and working your own hours and work Wherever you want in the world, I mean, there's just no comparison to corporate life. You can give me all the vacation time and salary you want. There's, there's no no going back for me to corporate life. No, I David Ralph 15:10 agree 100% just the fact that I don't have to book holiday, I just kind of go and we can use don't really mean anything to me. They just have a blend into one. And there are restrictions, you know, we're not getting to get away from the fact that it's just a walk in the park because he's not. And we're going to come back to that shortly. Here's Oprah. Oprah Winfrey 15:30 The way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this stuff. What is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you're not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just there to point You in a different direction. David Ralph 16:01 Now I remember walking around in the early days thinking, oh my god, everything's going to go terrible. Nobody's going to buy this, nobody's gonna buy that. And by weren't they weren't buying anything in the early days and I think it was kind of there was a desperation to me. There wasn't that Tom aim of bedding in an understanding actually what your value is you're just trying to pay bills. But I also look back on it, Mike. And this is where I'm leading with this question that even though I walked around thinking, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god never turned up. I always found a way through. I always manage to do something to pay that month's bills or find it from some other source. Do you look back at those kind of fledgling days when you fall? It was all a pack of cards and actually think I think it was a lot more stable than I imagined. Mike Volkin 16:53 He Yeah, that's a really good example. And I love that quote from Oprah. It's um, it's all about goals. You know? It's amazing what you can accomplish even if you think something isn't going to happen. And that's, you know, one of the things I talked about meditation, but I'm also into self talk positive self talk that helps as well. You know, somebody approaching a task, or even a goal as something you can't do. It's amazing what your brain is capable of. And, you know, there's a goal a right way to do goals in a wrong way. When I tell my Freelancer students to make goals, they usually just come back with a yearly revenue number. And I'm like, no, that's not a goal. You can't evaluate a goal after a full year, you have to break them up into smaller chunks. So just like what Oprah was saying, you know, don't just look at the big picture, look at what it's going to take to chunk that out into smaller pieces of goals. So one goal should be 10 or even 20 separate goals that are very attainable, but still challenging. That's the true way to make progress. David Ralph 17:48 episode eight of Join Up Dots. Six years ago, this was before I launched was a lady called Pamela slim. Now I'd never heard of Pamela slim and once I got her on the show a lot of people said to me Oh, how did you get her on the show and in those days I was just sending emails out willy nilly to people but they always remembers that she said but what she does with all her clients who are stuck is break down everything into those tiny little dots you know those tiny little chunks so it's not like right create a website and do this and do that too big. First of all it is you know, get a comfortable chair get your pens and paper you know tiny little tiny micro steps but lead you along that garden path and then you can quite easily build up build up progress because I think with what you've done and what so many people do, it frightens other people because they see the end sexy product and they don't see the ugly beginning Mike Volkin 18:46 Yeah, I mean look at any social media influencer with 5 million followers, making making their hundred thousand dollars a year on YouTube that you look at that and it's intimidating, but it took lots of milestones to get to that point and lots of individual goals. So, you know, it's, it's about making those goals but making them attainable. I had a client, a student who wanted to write a book and said, you know, Mike, how did you write five books? And I said, What is your book going to be about? And he told me and I didn't quite understand. So I said, you know, what, can you do me a favour and just write the Table of Contents as if you know, you'd be explaining it to me just write out the main chapters. And then he came back to me, he's like, okay, here's the table of contents. You know what I did, I actually wrote out the first first chapter as well, because I started getting into it. Once I wrote the table of contents and things started getting very clear. In my mind, I'm like, see, that's, that's how you do it. You were thinking about writing a book as it being a huge task. But all I did was I asked you to write the Table of Contents out, and now it's starting to form a book on its own. So you can take that analogy and form it to any tasks that you might have in your plate. Now, anybody listening, if there's something that you've always wanted to do that you're kind of always put there's always something that seems to be a priority over it, but it's something that you've been thinking about for years. You know, it's time just to take the smallest possible chunk and just just start doing it. Our goal this week to do something towards that, that chunk to get that started and you'll be surprised that it will be like a, like a rolling snowball downhill. It takes a little bit of effort to get that snowball forms. But once it starts going downhill, it's going to pick up steam on its own. David Ralph 20:12 Because I'm always blown away, Mike, I teach people how to build rocking and rolling online businesses that sort of change their lives. And I would say 95% of them turn up and they say, Oh, I bought URL already. I bought a domain name already. And I go well, what have you done now because you haven't defined your avatar you haven't defined your your goals, you haven't defined your offer. And I guarantee that's going to change as you proceed through. And I suppose what it is it's that enthusiasm to let's get going. But most of them won't give up that URL over. You know, it's about $9 and even though I say to them, Look, there's a bad one out there we can really get some traffic we can really get a brand going. They still want cling to that. That's strange, don't you think? I don't actually understand why I've never asked them but they seem strange to me. Mike Volkin 21:07 Yeah, that's where the experience of being an entrepreneur comes in. I mean, you got a growth hack that kind of stuff, why build out a website and, and I made those mistakes before I spent $40,000 building a business once before I even took it to market and then I realised once I started getting some customers that it wasn't the, the exact product market fit that they were looking for. But you know, it's just a matter of prioritising what needs to be done website very rarely comes first and like you said avatar, Product Market Fit competitive research that kind of stuff needs to be done but you know, that's sexy is to get a website and get a domain and now you feel official. And if that's okay, if it's something cheap and quick like getting a website, at least a domain, that's fine, but I wouldn't I would avoid building out a full website before you have all that other all your other ducks in a row, David Ralph 21:52 because only become fascinated recently about IP addresses. Now it just sounds boring, but I'm fascinated by Every single person has now got the ability to get different search results from Google because Google is so focused on local search, because that's the power. And I'm, I'm obsessed with this concept that every town is a market in itself, every street, and you start with looking at the people next door to you, more than you look across the globe. You know, I just find it fascinating. When I'm driving around my town thinking there's a market, there's a market and every single person has got the ability to dominate. Now, if we save that, why is it then that a lot of people think that it's more difficult than it is because it's not they're the only ones really living in that area? But you've got the the lion's share right at the very beginning? Is it knowledge, or is it belief, Mike? Mike Volkin 22:52 I think it's a combination of both but isn't it amazing? You're talking about, you know, in the at starting businesses in the 90s and I was starting in the Early 2000s it's like, I would have never imagined that I could run a Facebook or a Google ad that would target a specific neighbourhood in, you know, anywhere in my town or anywhere across the United States. I can get super specific if I wanted to target. You know, a freelancer who is specifically in California who makes is a side hustler in she does writing like, I could target that exact person for an exact course that I have. I mean, it's, it's just amazing the opportunities that are available now and where it's going in the future is even more amazing. I mean, with all this mobile technology, what cars have Wi Fi now, I mean, who knows where advertising is going to be five or 10 years from now, but it's certainly a lot different than just opening up the Yellow Pages, what we did a few decades ago, and that was literally your marketing department is where you are listed in the yellow pages. David Ralph 23:45 So we take you back to the freelancer route. Are we now saying that the freelancers I've got even more opportunity because of what we've just discussed, or have a better to, to go across the world and a better become global and I better to join up work and all these different sites but their network reach. Mike Volkin 24:07 Yeah, I know a lot of freelancers who just work in their area locally, there's something to be said about that. I live in Sonoma County in California. And there's a big wine region here, we produce a lot of the world's wine. And I know freelancers who are specific to working, just the wineries, and they are not interested in anything else other than outside of Sonoma County and Napa County out here that produces the fantastic wine. But then there's people like me, I've worked with clients in over 20 countries, and I love it. I think that's great. I'm working with a website right now. And Saudi Arabia is a women's clothing company of all companies. And it's just fascinating the cultural differences and the mar

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Introducing Mort Fertel

Today's guest is the Mort Fertel is a leading authority on the psychology of relationships with a global reputation for saving marriages. He’s the creator of Marriage Fitness, a new methodology to marital healing (a proven alternative to marriage counselling). This breakthrough relationship renewal system was born out of Mort’s own marital crisis, as he and his wife worked together to pick up the pieces of their marriage after the tragic loss of three children. Marriage Fitness, which instructs couples to set aside their problems and make positive choices going forward (instead of fixing their broken past), has saved millions of couples from marital crisis. How The Dots Joined For Mort Mort has been a featured expert on ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, and the FOX News Network; he’s also a frequent guest on talk radio programs. The Marriage Fitness program has appeared in numerous media publications, including The New York Times, Huffington Post, Chicago Tribune, L.A. Times, USA Today, and many more. Mort is a former marathon runner who graduated from the University of Pennsylvania before serving as the CEO of an international nonprofit organization. When he’s not helping others build strong relationships, Mort loves spending time with his wife and five children at their home in Baltimore, Maryland. So does he look back and think wow I have tackled something bigger than I could have possibly dreamt off? And would he recommend people following suit and start their own business? Well let's find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mort Fertel. Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Mort Fertel such as: We discuss the difference between pain and torture and discover that pain always has a purpose. Use the pain to find solutions for better relationships. Why a couple does not have to be compatible to be truly connected and build an amazing relationship that lasts. Mort and his wife actually didn't want to start a business, but they had the passion to create a mission to help the world. And lastly....... Why it is so important to identify and resolve the problems in your life to change the dynamics of your marriage. How To Connect With Mort Fertel Website Facebook Linkedin Twitter Return To The Top Of  Mort Fertel If you enjoyed this episode with Mort Fertel, why not check out other inspirational chat with Clayton Morris, Dorie Clark, and the amazing Niall Doherty You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy Interview Transcription Of Mort Fertel Interview David Ralph 0:01 Once upon a time, there was a guy with a dream, a dream to quit his job to support himself online and have a kick ass life. Little did he know that dream would lead him into a world of struggle, burnout, I'm dead, until you found the magic ingredient and no struggles became a thing of the past, of course, was that person. And now My dream is to make things happen for you. Welcome to Join Up Dots. Intro 0:27 When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph. David Ralph 0:52 Yes, hello. Good morning to you. Good morning to you one and all. Thank you so much for being here on the Join Up Dots podcast show Giving you the inspiration and the motivation to go out and create your own business, get your own dream lives and basically have a bloody good time in the process. Well, today's guest on the show, he is a leading authority on the psychology of relationships with a global reputation for saving marriages. He's the creator of marriage fitness, a new methodology to marital healing, a proven alternative to marriage counselling. Now this breakthrough relationship renewal system was born out of his own marital crisis as he and his wife worked together to pick up the pieces of their marriage after the tragic loss of three children. Now marriage fitness which instructs couples to set aside their problems and make positive choices going forward. Instead of fixing their broken past as a the millions of couples from marital crisis. He's been featured expert on ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, and the Fox News Network and he's also a frequent guest on talk radio programmes. Now the marriage fitness programme has appeared Numerous media publications, including the New York Times, Huffington Post, Chicago Tribune, and many more, and he's a former marathon runner who graduated from the University of Pennsylvania before serving as the CEO of an international nonprofit organisation. Now, that's all busy stuff, but when he's not helping others build strong relationship, he loves spending time with his wife and five children at their home in Baltimore, Maryland. So does he look back and think, Wow, I've tackled something bigger than I could have possibly dreamt up starting this. And what do you recommend people following suit and starting in their own similar business? Well, let's find out as we bring on the show to start joining up doors with the one and only Mr. Mort Fertel Mort Fertel 2:47 Good morning, David. I'm doing great. Thank you so much. David Ralph 2:50 It's lovely to have you here. I need to start right from the start big you know, I can't think how terrible it is to lose preaching. Children so you know, let's let's get away from it but bad times have led to good times would you say in Join Up Dots sort of formula? Mort Fertel 3:11 Yeah, we, you know, we we really responded in the end, we responded very well to a tragic situation and take away from the pain of the tragedy and the difficulty of the time, but at least we're able to look back and see that it did have a purpose. It did have a meaning. You know, somebody wants shared with me the difference between, you know, sort of pain and torture. torture is when your pain has no purpose, but pain itself. If you can find meaning and purpose in it, it's tolerable and in the end to the book, sometimes be a blessing. David Ralph 3:57 Well off the 2000 plus shows of Join Up Dots. Literally every man and woman will say that the darkest times in their life were actually the lightest times when they look back on it, it was the moment that they either got the strength or the clarity, or the motivation and enthusiasm to make things better not only for themselves, but for other people. And that's how a business is born. So, as I say, big credit to you to turn that into a positive and let's make it a whole show. A positive. Now, you've got something here that is the marriage fitness and you say it's a new methodology to marital healing, a proven alternative to marriage counselling now, I've never been to either. I've got a rock solid marriage, hopefully Fingers crossed. But what actually is the difference in between marital healing and marriage counselling. Mort Fertel 4:52 You mean diversity, marriage, fitness and marriage counselling? Marriage fitness is the name of the methodology that I created. It's An alternative to marriage counselling. And the differences in short, marriage fitness is not about fixing what's wrong. It's about making new things, right. And what I came to realise was that in a relationship when you make new things, right, it creates a connection between the husband and wife. And it's that lack of connection. It really is ultimately, at the core, the problem of every relationship, in marriage counselling in marriage therapy, typically, of course, it all depends on the therapist. So there are certainly exceptions. But typically, they start with the question of what's wrong. And you get launched into a whole discussion about your problems and your issues, and you try to sort of resolve conflict. But those problems that issues that are, are the answer to that question those problems and issues that you might identify as the problem in the relationship. Really just a symptom, it's not really the problem, even though it's what would come to mind and what bothers you. Really, the problem at the at the core is a lack of connection between a husband and wife. And when a husband and wife reconnect, when those problems just sort of disappear. I'll give you an example. You know, typically in marriage counselling and therapy, they'll work on communication techniques, right? And you know, he'll learn about Mars and children learn about Venus, and they'll practice all these different communication techniques. And they'll repeat after me that I understand what you said. And the irony is, this is after 510 15 years of marriage and really knowing each other upside down and inside out, and we can't seem to see two words to each other and communicate well, without using all these fancy communication techniques. And even then it doesn't work. But if you think back to early in your relationship before you really knew each other, you could communicate with the Wink of enough and you finish each other's sentences. And he didn't know the difference between Mars and Venus and you had practised any communication techniques. How could that be? Because at the beginning, you were connected, and 10 510 15 years down the line, that connection got broken. And so communication techniques don't lead to a deep connection between a husband and wife. It's the other way around. A deep connection between a husband and wife leads to easy communication. And so, in typically, in marriage, counselling and therapy will go backwards into the past the problems and the issues and try to resolve them. The marriage fitness approach is completely different. We're not about trying to fix what's wrong. We're about trying to make new things right. Because at the end of the day, it's by doing that you really do end up fixing what's wrong. It's one of my own students said I can't take credit for this line, although it's perfect. He said I get it what you said the problems don't actually get resolved, they just dissolve. And that's perfectly said. David Ralph 8:08 Now, I don't understand why marriages go wrong. As I say, you know, I think that it is a lack of communication. Me and my wife had nothing in common at all other than the love of ourselves and each other, and the love of our family and our kids. And if she wants to, you know, do something, I am the polar opposite, but we just find that common ground. And we always know that. It's even when it's at its worst, it's still the best thing around. I don't understand why people stop talking to each other. Where as you say, when you first meet, you literally sit talking for hours and you're on the phone or you're in restaurants or whatever, and you just can't get enough of each other. Why do people stop talking? Mort Fertel 8:56 So before I answer that, if you don't mind, I just want to say you just have on something. It's fascinating and brilliant. And I want to just underscore it for your audience. What you just said about your marriage was that you and your wife have almost nothing in common. And yet you have a great marriage and are deeply in love. And in a in a very personal way, you just addressed one of the biggest myths about relationships, which is that a successful relationship has to include people who are quote, compatible. I call this the compatibility. It says if liking the same music and wanting to go to the same sporting events and liking the same food and liking the same climate tastes and furniture and who knows what else people think is like makes me compatible with the other is what makes for a successful relationship. And that is a total lie. Compatibility has nothing to do with a successful relationship. There are plenty of couples like yourself, who might not consider themselves quote compatible, but in working connected, they feel close, they feel they feel in love. And that's not because they share the same interests. It's because they share the same life. And compatibility is something that's very vulnerable. It could be when you first meet and fall in love, it could be that you do that you are compatible, that you do have a shared interests, for example. But if it's those shared interests that are the the cornerstone of the relationship, then the relationship is very vulnerable. Because interests can change, tastes and music can change decisions about what kind of job you want, and where you want to live can change. But when you have a deep core connection, like you just described, that you have with your wife, that's not vulnerable to these outside compatibilities and therefore, the relationship is not horrible. So I know that didn't answer your question, but I hope you don't mind. Just taking a moment, it was fascinating what you said. And it just gave me an opportunity to bring out to your audience a really important point. That's often. Yeah. So an answer to your question, why do people stop talking? Look at the risk of being repetitive. Why? Let's talk about why people talk. People talk because they feel close. People talk because they want to share their life. People talk because they feel connected. They feel intimate. And so people stop talking. People distance themselves from their spouse, when they start to feel disconnected. When they feel don't when they feel not close, when they feel like this person is no longer integrated into my like, the inner part of my life. And so then I have nothing to talk about. And the things that I really want to say that are really all my mind that in my heart, I don't feel comfortable sharing anymore. Because I don't feel that closeness and intimacy. David Ralph 12:07 I'm going to jump in there mo because I know that my wife has 100 million conversations going on with people in 100 million different ways. All of them more than you know, a few words here, a few words there. And I say to her, you know, why don't you phone them up and just talk to him? Oh, I don't want to talk to them. And she's just having all these like bite size all of them conversations with people on messenger and, and WhatsApp and all that kind of stuff. Has that, in your view changed the way that relationships occur? Because, you know, if you go back 100 years ago, you know, before electricity when it went dark, you probably made up your own entertainment. And most of it was about being with each other. Mort Fertel 12:49 So this question, this could be an entire podcast itself. This is a big topic, which I have a lot to say on and you know, you'll you'll you The interview and you tell me our deep you want to go into the slave David Ralph 13:03 you? I will, sir. Mort Fertel 13:06 Okay. But just to start, I think I think that one of the ways in which he has a big impact on relationships is that technology digital communication allows us to experience what I call counterfeit connection. In other words, this this poor connection that I was describing, which is the essence of love, and the heart soul of a good relationship between a husband and wife, person get sort of a calc, a sort of Kwazii counterfeit experience of that collection through digital communication. But the problem is that that connection that we have through digital communication, with government with maybe sometimes dozens or hundreds or even thousands of people It's a very wide connection. The net is cast very wide. I can touch and reach and share my photos and my life with a lots of people. But the connection, it's wide, but it's very shallow. But the real richness of life, the real fulfilment in life comes not from a wide, wide connection that is shallow. It comes from narrow connections that are very deep, but I say narrow, I mean, with a small group of people and if you think about in your life, who's really important to you, what, what relationships really bring your life fulfilment, satisfaction, and enrichment. It's usually just a few relationships. And if you're not experiencing this, if you don't relate to what I just said, it's probably because you've been seduced into this wide net of shallow relationships at the cost of the expense of the real fulfilment, that comes from a few relationships that go really quite deep. So this digital communication that allows us to connect widely what's at risk our marriages, and the whole secret of a, a small number of relationships. And this is a, you know, a wide net discussion a little bit. Isn't it fascinating that we are in the most abundant times in the history of the world. We have the ability to communicate and have relationships with more people. We have more comforts or conveniences, higher standard of living, greater ability to communicate, travel, to get well with we're sick access to medicine. I mean, standard of life is, is just off the charts. If you look at World History, at the same time, that we have advanced in that way, the rate of depression, suicide, loneliness, adoption, adultery, alcoholism, drug addiction, and the list goes on has skyrocketed. Unknown Speaker 16:27 How could that be? David Ralph 16:28 Well, we all know why that is done way. We all know why that is. Mort Fertel 16:32 Right. And I think the reason is exactly what we're speaking about here. Because many of these things, and these are the shallowness of these things, and of our relationships are coming at the expense of the things that really matter most. David Ralph 16:52 know if we spin this on our own its head and take it into the more entrepreneurial view. of the business that you've built. Do you need to have lived this to be able to teach this? So if somebody is out there, and they're listening to this conversation, and they're thinking, Oh, marriage support, I'd never thought of doing that. Do you need to have a crappy marriage to be able to teach people? You know how to do this? Mort Fertel 17:21 I don't know if you need to, but it's hard for me to imagine otherwise. I can't see you need some because I don't feel comfortable saying that. But let's put it this way. I can't imagine it otherwise, I can tell you that the feedback I get from the people that I have worked with, in my programme, is that the programme works, they succeed, because they know I've been where they're at. And I can show them firsthand how to get from where they are to where they want to be. Yeah. And it's not something that I learned in a classroom. It's not an intellectual Ever. It's based on not only my own personal experience, but it's based on the professional experience I've had working with thousands and thousands and thousands of couples that have taken them through this path. So, you know, I think that one of the, just to tie it back to previous piece of our discussion, I think that one of the problems or failures with marriage counselling and marriage therapy is sometimes the marriage counsellor, and the marriage therapist. In other words, I don't think, for me to really succeed and for you to really learn how to turn your marriage on, I have to be a live wire. You have to be able to feel in the what I'm teaching and what I'm sharing. It can't just be some intellectual endeavour. And I think in many cases, I mean, look, let's be honest, you know, to get a licence to be a marriage counsellor. You don't even have to be married. No less have a good marriage. Yeah. Right. I mean, it's it is a academic endeavour, which is kind of silly if you think about it, because what in the world is academic about trying to transform a marriage? I mean, this is typical of man, I'm going to make a commentary outside of marriage camp. This is typical of the entire mental health industry, right? Entire mental health industry wants people to think that it is a science, not an art, they want to be able to assign diagnostic codes. They want to be able to relate to the science of mind. And by the way, they want to be able to get paid by insurance companies. And in order to get paid by insurance companies, you have to assign a diagnostic code and in order to have a diagnosis, so you have to make this like sort of scientific, what we're talking about the heart, we're talking about. Soul, we're talking about the mind. And it's not scientific, you know, it is a bit of an art. And it has a lot to do with character development. And so, you know, the entire mental health industry, not just marriage counsellors and therapists have really, you know, tried to try and try to sort of transform this into something sort of scientific. And it's much more of a personal. And if you haven't been there and haven't experienced it, how can you possibly give somebody something that you don't have? You know, the analogy that I sometimes like to use is, let's say you wanted to know about the moon. You could go in one of two directions. We could go to Harvard, and speak to some Professor on astronomy. And I imagine he could share with us a lot of interesting data about the moon. There's somebody else we could talk to, though that I think would be much more excited. Unknown Speaker 21:01 Neil Armstrong David Ralph 21:04 Yeah, but he wouldn't talk to you when he he never want to talk about the moon at all. I would Neil Armstrong with a get the point. I get the point I get the point. Well, let's listen to these words now. And then we're going to be back with more detail. Steve Jobs 21:24 You ready to make a full time living online? Check out the amazing Join Up Dots business coaching. Hello, my name is Alan. And I've just completed the excellent eight week course with David before I started working with David Actually, I had no idea where to where to start. I had a lot of ideas about what I probably thought was going to be good in business. David was out to help me through that guy to find that passion. Within literally minutes. We had we had a business idea. And for the last seven weeks, we've been building on it and building on that and the position I'm in now but if you've got an element Here on my own, because of the amount of information that David gives the structure, he's got the full package here. And he explains it in a way that I can understand. His support is is phenomenal. I feel like this is the way business is supposed to work, maybe help me understand what would the logical steps that I should do? How, how can I get this up and running? So I would really recommend this is an excellent course helping you if you have an idea, you have no idea, really teasing that out and some of the practicalities and steps to take to really launch your business whether as a full time job was a side hustle. So it was really excellent. I recommend it for anybody thinking about setting up their own business, or both. It's an exaggeration to say David will totally save you, us. Thank you, David for your amazing help and support which keeps on going. And we certainly couldn't be where we are today without you. So your author David Ralph 22:55 job you would love to become my next success story and have your own life changing. Business following my step by step system, fine tuned over many years to take away the effort and expense that others struggle with, and come across to Join Up and book a free call with myself. Let's get you living easy life, as it's there waiting for you to get it. That is Join Up business coaching. So, mort, let's take you back to the early days of your business, you've gone through difficulties in your marriage, you then decide to actually transition and build this business now. What you doing similar stuff beforehand, was this a natural transition? Or was this a total right term? Mort Fertel 23:43 It was a total return. And I think that it's important for people that are interested in starting a business to the most important thing, I think, is passion. And that's why You know what one thing I think that people can learn from my experience from a business point of view is that it came from a very personal place. I mean, my I really wasn't interested in starting a business. I was interested in starting a mission. My wife and I really felt after we discovered sort of this methodology for reconciling marriages, and at the same time realised how pathetic that the help that was available to people out there that were in similar situations, we really felt like we had a responsibility to sort of share this with the world kind of codify it and articulate it in a way that other people could utilise it. And it wasn't it wasn't like, it wasn't coming from a business place. It was coming from a place of being useful, a place of being helpful, a place of wanting to, you know, to contribute to two people into the world and asleep. Freaking away. And, and that translates into passion. And that kind of energy behind a quote, business is so crucial to its success. It's crucial to its success for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's incredibly motivating to the people behind the business. I mean, if you're just motivated to build the business, because you why because you want to make money because you want to drive a fancy car because, like, why there, it's just that that motivation is going to work very quickly and very easily unless there's something else behind it that's really driving you. David Ralph 25:41 But I'm just going to stop you there because what you're saying is absolutely right. And that's why so many businesses fail because they're basically screaming, bye, bye bye. And they're not thinking about Help, Help Help. But with your mission, did you have income coming in that allowed that mission to growing in the beginning, Mort Fertel 26:02 I didn't, but I was 30 I was in my late 30s when I first you know, created the marriage fitness methodology. So, so I already had a whole career before that I had, I had actually multiple careers before that. And so I had some we had some money to live on. I didn't, I didn't have to be working I was I was I had the luxury of being able to develop marriage fitness, without having to draw an income from it for a while, David Ralph 26:38 was have a plan to monetize it because what I want to say is well, more moving through the sort of business coaching world is people leave that final sale on the table for too long by build something based on a mission and then they feel almost guilty about saying, although I've been doing this for free Although I've been building this to help you, actually, I deserve some payment for it. Did you find that was a bridge too difficult to cross yourself? Mort Fertel 27:09 That's a great question. I had no problem with that. And the reason I had no problem with that is because I always had in mind even though it was driven, very mission driven, I always had in mind that I always knew that I wanted it to be profitable. And I wanted to profitable not only because I need to support my family, and I'm not a, you know, I'm not embarrassed to say I wanted to make money I needed I needed to make money. But I wanted it to be profitable, because in order for it to be successful, it had to be profitable. I can't do what I do, unless I'm able to support my family and do it at the same time. So in order for me to make the contribution that I wanted to make in order for me to have the impact that I wanted to have, the way I was going about this had to be profitable. So then why are you always always had that in mind and I hit No problem with, you know, the two piece right purpose and profit, or the two M's margin and mission. And I don't think they're in conflict with each other. I think they actually go hand in hand, because the profit drives the purpose, the margin drives the mission. And I also think that that we the profitability is an indication or a measurement of the contribution that you're making. I mean, if people aren't willing to pay you for what you're doing, then maybe it doesn't have any value. Now, I'm not saying that that is always the case. There are. I don't mean to disparage nonprofits. There are plenty of nonprofits who are doing very, very good work. And there is no business model that could never fund them. They need to rely on contributions and I'm not disparaging that It's fun. But, but in my mind, also, you know, the fact that people are willing to pay you for your product or your service is an indication of the value that it's bringing them. David Ralph 29:12 Well, it's not just the value, though is it is the value, and it's the transformation. And that's the thing that I think people struggle with, they sell a product, but they don't actually think how is this going to transform somebody, and it's either from pain to pleasure, from broke to financial or whatever, they just give a product that sort of sits in the middle somehow, and it doesn't take them from one side of the bridge to the other. Do you see that a lot, because it seems obvious to me when I see a product I think it's never gonna sell because you're not actually giving them the rest of the bridge. You're just getting them halfway across. Mort Fertel 29:50 So do I see a lot I mean, I'm not really, you know, I'm in a different kind of gal or I'm not a business guy. I'm not. I don't, I don't usually look at things like so much from a business perspective. So when I see products or services that I don't know, I'm more I look at them, I think more from a consumer point of view than a business point of view. David Ralph 30:17 Now, how does your wife fit in to the business as well? Is it something that you total down to a little office in your house and sort of deal with customers and clients well, or is she part of it is, is the marriage fitness actually a marriage concern? Mort Fertel 30:35 The most important way that she's a part of it and this is, you know, I think an i

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Introducing Life Is Crap

Life is crap for sure. We get up everyday and try our best hopefully...making decisions that will bring us closer to happiness and our dreams. That of course is what we all want, but more often than not life has other plans for us. Life can be so hard and cruel it's untrue, and that has certainly been the case this week for myself and my family. This podcast episode breaks down what has been happening in my life this week. This life is crap episode goes behind the scenes of a major stroke that my mother has had this week. I talk about how it has of course affected her, but also how it has affected the whole family in negative ways. Not least by changing mindsets to life is crap mode, instead of focusing in on what an amazing gift even having a stroke is. Why Life Is Crap And Why It Shouldn't Be The world is full of the graves of people that would love to be moaning and groaning, but arent around anymore. Cancer victims, war heros, unfortunate souls that just were in the wrong place at the wrong time. People who would love one more day on earth. One more hug from their loved ones. Or simply one more breath. But alas, they were not given the chance as life is crap for them. For some reason their fate was sealed by forces out of their control..and why, well you know already Life is crap. But lets take another look at things and this time put a positive spin on them instead. My mum has had a major stroke and now is sitting in a hospital bed unable to move. She has a decision to make as she lays their with dark thoughts running around her mind. She can either think "well at least i am still here, surrounded by people that love and care for me" or "why the hell has this happened to me...i dont deserve it" She is still breathing, she is still eating, she is still watching Netflix. She isnt in a box six feet under the ground becoming lunch for worms. She is sitting up telling the world that life is crap, life is crap...oh my god how crap it is. Hopefully soon she will see what a gift that is. Transcription Of Life Is Crap Episode Intro 0:00 When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph. David Ralph 0:26 Yeah, how do they have good morning? Well, good morning, and thank you for being here with me on Join Up Dots. Now, this is a show I haven't planned. I haven't planned at all. I'm just turning on the mic. And I'm just going to start talking. And if my voice cracks a little bit, I'm very emotional at the moment. One of one of the things I wanted to do with Join Up Dots right at the very beginning was give you guys the inspiration to follow my journey and see that it's possible and not just being Oh yeah, he's this person that Barry's got a team of 1000 people and he's making it seem really, really easy. But it's not. It's just me. It's just me and I do you know, everything through Join Up Dots. And I've started it right from the very beginning, when it was just a dream in my head, and I've grown it to, you know where it is now seven years now coming down the line. And it's been hard. It's been really, really hard. And but it's been brilliant as well. And it's been sort of exciting, and I've connected with people across the world. But this week, it's been a bit of a difficult week for me personally. Last Saturday, my mom had a major stroke, and we didn't know excuse me, we didn't know anything about it. If you know anything about strokes, there's there's a very short window of time when you can reverse a stroke the blood clot goes to the brain and bacon sort of put chemicals in or something I don't know too much. about it To be honest, because I haven't read too much about it because when I have started reading it, it's upset me. So I'm not reading that. And I've sort of put it away. But there's a short window. And last Saturday, I was working here, my mom and dad live, probably about 10 minutes, five to 10 minutes across the town. And so I can get there very, very easily. And my dad went out for the morning on Saturday. And just after he left, my mom got up and had this massive stroke. And apparently she got out of bed. And she just sort of walked across to one side of the room, the opposite room to the phone, ironically, and suddenly fall, I don't feel very well and Ben she caught herself in the mirror and she said I could feel that one side of my face was going and that was it. She's all blacked out. Now when she came to she was trapped down beside the bed and her dressing table. And as it turns out, she fractured her ankle in two places as well. So she she basically laid there My dad came home about six hours later. And he came in and thought this is strange, you know, a cup of tea is downstairs, He always makes bourbon, certain things hadn't been done. And so he sort of walked upstairs now, but that's it too. And my mom's it should be it very, very shortly. And now it's fit as a fiddle. You know, they really are. There's been no issues at all, but anything. And he goes upstairs and he finds my mom trapped. And so he phones my wife, because that's the sort of emergency contact and she phoned me and I was just happening to go into a football match with my son. So she phoned him and I don't have a phone. I've never had a phone in my life. And this is the first time that I thought, shit, I should shut up a phone. Really, you know, what, what happens if something happens, you know, people always say what about emergency and I was saying emergencies don't really happen. They don't. And, you know, I still covered it because my son was with me, but you You know, we we turned around, we didn't go into the football match and we raced across the town. And we got there and it was evident. As soon as I got there that mom had had a stroke. And she was in a bad way she'd laid on the floor for about six hours. And with the emergency situation here, you have a four hour window. And so if she had managed to phone as soon as it happened, she would have already been in hospital but because she'd gone past that they didn't class her was as serious because there wasn't as much that they could do. And so effectively, we had to wait another seven hours for the ambulance to turn up. And it was about 12 and a half hour window for her to have this stroke to where she is now in in hospital. And she's lost her speech. She's lost her right arm and she's lost her right leg and got no sensation. Now fortunately, the speech is coming back. That's that's a positive and in many ways, I've been there every single day going there. hospital, she, she almost looks like mom now she she's sitting in bed, and she's moaning about certain things. And I bought a tablet with Alexa on it, so that she can speak to it. And it can turn on Netflix and do different things because you know, you're just sitting there in bed all the time. So it's been, it's been a rough, rough, rough, old week. And I've learned so much in this week. And that's kind of what I want to share about. I've realised that you know, we all say that life is fragile. And we always say, you know, you've got to make the most of every day but to be honest, we don't do we need no matter how positive and I'm one of the most positive people. We don't we don't focus in on, you know, every morning waking up and going, you know, this is another day, you know, I've been given a gift, I can do whatever I want. And when that gets taken away from you, and now my mom is sort of sitting there in bed, so I don't know why this has happened to me, you know, I don't deserve this, you know, I've done nothing wrong. It's quite difficult to say the least I'm listening to her talk and staying positive and motivated and trying to encourage everybody just to go out and do their best life. And it's, it's affected me Because now, you know, and you don't want to be hypochondriac but you start thinking Christ, what would happen if this happens to me because I earn my living by talking basically. And so if I suddenly couldn't talk and that was taken away from me, you know, what would I do and our whole family would be turned upside down. Our whole family has been turned upside down anyway, because daddy's rushing up to the hospital. I'm trying to get up every single day as much as possible. And one of the things I've realised is because I've got an entrepreneurial business people kind of feel Oh, it's not a business, you can just do what you want. Now, there are certain controls that I have in place, certainly. But I can't just you know, up and go at any time of the day because I've got people that I've organised, I've got bookings in, you know, it's my business is my income being produced. And it's made me realise this week that people don't see an entrepreneur job as a proper job. They see it as a bit of a jolly, you know, I don't really know what you're doing. You're, you're you're just up in your office and you know, that baby can do this baby could do that. So I've been pulled from pillar to post, trying to run Join Up Dots, deal with my coaching clients, get up to see my mum over time, support my family and haven't really supported myself. One of the things I've realised big time this week is, even though as I'm talking now, I can feel, I would love to really just sub sub sub, I can feel it in me, I can't let go, I can't let go. It's that I know that people look at me to be the rock. And I think I've trained myself to be like that all the way through my life. You know, my mom doesn't show much emotion at all. And my dad doesn't matter. It's almost like it hasn't happened. He just sort of like living his life in a normal way, sort of doing some bizarre jobs just to keep himself busy and stuff. But you gotta let that emotion out. And I know that, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to actually unplug myself to perceive that because, you know, my daughter's 14, she's crying all the time, you know, and she's just like, I can't stop, I can't stop. And my wife said a little blob. And I think everybody has except for me, I just can't do it. But you've got to allow that emotion to come through because it's is not good. And I know that I know that. So it's it's not going to be a long episode this one. And I'm not going to try to weave it into some shoes, the motivational you know, seize the moment, get out there and do your thing because you don't know how how long you're going to be on this planet bore, I course we should do surely we should do we should wake up and not just being Oh, I'm going to sit down, watch a box set of whatever, you know, try to make a difference in your life try to make a difference that is sustainable as well as the thing I've realised I realised that a lot of Join Up Dots would be taken away from me instantly. And so I've got to look at it at the level of creating more passive income that can be maintained even if I'm not part of it. You know, I've always felt that the big power is if somebody buys one of my products or my coaching that I'm there, you I'm supporting them. But maybe that isn't the wise thing to do going forward. You know how you guys I don't know, I don't know what to say in this episode, and I don't know what to do. But I just thought it was right for me to tell you and tell you that life is real, you know, Join Up Dots is real. You know, you can listen to other podcasts. And I listened to them. And a lot of time. I think they're talking crap. I really do. I think they're, they're selling a dream. But is it best to give, you know, because they had investment at the beginning, or they have a team behind them, even some of the ones but but I know. And there you go. Yeah, you've done so well. You've done so well. Yeah, I have. But from the moment I started, I had three or four people working for them and that's that's totally different. That is totally different. That's not how most people can start. Most people are a side hustle. So, back back develops into something. Most people will have that dream and start building something in their lunchtimes and in their evenings. And they can afford to invest in people that can afford to invest in PhDs and virtual assistants and all that kind of stuff. So it's a dream built on lies, I think, because it's not what most people can get. And so I just didn't want you to be out there. thinking, you know, and listening to Join Up Dots and hopefully listening to Join Up Dots and thinking but, you know, this is, this isn't real, because it is and it's a real person behind the scenes, talking through a microphone, building a business as I go, trying to inspire you guys and trying to help you guys and support you guys. But it's a real person that has real issues, and has a life going on. That sometimes is out of control and sometimes isn't what you want to be. So yeah, so we're one week week into it really, it happened on Saturday. This is now Thursday as I'm recording today. I've got four podcast episodes to be done later on. To be honest, I don't feel like doing them, I could have cancelled them quite easily have just cancelled them. But that's not right. You know, these people have set up their schedules to appear on the show and stuff. Just because I've got issues doesn't mean that my issue should be passed on to other people. You do what you do. You try to find a way through the solution or the situation and you you are bad for the people that matter most, which which leads me actually on to a realisation that I have been nurturing relationships on line with people that quite frankly, don't deserve it. And it's always me but messages BAM and sort of make sure they're all right and it's always me. I rarely get a message back from anyone at all. And I've realised this week, but that's not gonna happen anymore. I'm gonna, I'm stopping that. I'm not spending any time on people that, quite frankly, don't deserve it. No matter how many sob stories I get, no matter how many leads that I get, and I do get a lot of people that, you know, they come to me every three months, and I've spent time with them every three months, you know, trying to support them, and then the next time they're exactly the same position. I'm cutting it off, because that's not good for me, that's not good for you guys and the ones out there that are willing to really make a difference. And now effectively the people that have come through my coaching, so, Tom that I'm teaching at the moment, Glenn, Ben, David, everyone, I apologise if you know I haven't got your name at the moment, but you guys will get emails from me, you guys will get follow ups to say, Are you okay? Do you need any more help, because you are the guys that are actually making a difference you've invested into yourself. And so you will not get bombarded but I'm going to try to keep up with you guys all the the coaching clients because you're the guys that deserve it and the other people across the world that are just time energy suckers. I'm not giving that up anymore. It's just not worth it. You're only on this planet once and you've got to make the most of each day and you've got to channel your energies into the right people. So Join Up Dots that was a cheery little episode was it really was but um, it's real. Life is crap. It's honest. I want you to know about what's happening. And I'm sure loads of you have had the same situation with parents and loved ones and stuff and so my heart goes out to you because I know how it all feels. From beside, but until next time, I will see you again and I promise you it will be a lot more perky. David next time I'll try and get my head back into the game. Okay, see you later. Unknown Speaker 15:16 Bye bye. That's the end of China. Outro 15:20 You heard the conversation. Now when it's time for you to start taking massive action. Create Your life is he only live he will be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots. Unknown Speaker 15:43 Jolene, Jolene

Direct download: Life_Can_Be_Crap.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Introducing Udo Erasmus Today's guest on the Join Up Dots show is a legendary health and wellness pioneer, acclaimed author and extensive educator. He developed the machinery to create FLAX OIL and started the Healthy Fats Movement. He is the Co-Founder of Udo’s Choice, a global leader in cutting edge health products having sold tens of millions of bottles of healthy oils, probiotics and digestive enzymes. He has incredible knowledge on a range of subjects such as Digestion, Nutrition, Mental Health, Presence, Consciousness, Emotional Awareness and Natural Living. He has extensive education in Biochemistry and Biology, a Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology. Udo has impacted over 5,000,000+ lives by passionately conducting 5,000+ live presentations, 3,000+ media interviews, 1,500 staff training's and is a teacher at Tony Robbin’s and Deepak Chopra's events. How The Dots Joined Up For Udo As a war immigrant Udo had an extremely challenging childhood. After being poisoned by pesticides and being unable to find any help Udo began what would become a life long study of health. Udo considers all of the elements of whole health. So how do we get to peak fitness if we are short of money and time in today's ever busy world? And is the mental aspect of health more important than the body or does it not matter? Well let's find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr Udo Erasmus Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weight subjects with Udo Erasmus such as: How a failed marriage caused him to want to get a job that allowed him to go and kill stuff...which almost ended up killing him. We discuss how 95% of people live in a world of scarcity and are terrified of missing out on stuff they actually dont even want. Udo shares the steps for us to take to find the riches inside of us. This is the true wealth. And lastly................. Udo Erasmus shares a story of naked mud wrestling on a beach  with a bunch of men....this wasn't expected!!

Direct download: Udo_Erasmus.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Introducing Jeremy Slate Today's guest joining us on the Join Up Dots podcast, is Jeremy Slate, the founder of the Create Your Own Life Podcast, which studies the highest performers in the world.  He studied literature at Oxford University, specializes in using podcasting and new media to create celebrity and was ranked #1 in iTunes New and #78 in the iTunes top 100. He was named the #1 Podcast to Listen to by INC Magazine in 2019, as well as being named a Top Influencer by Forbes. After his success in podcasting, Jeremy Slate and his wife founded Command Your Brand to help entrepreneurs get their message out by appearing as guests on podcasts. But as we see with Join Up Dots time and time again these are the highlights. These are the things that get shown to the world as they are hard earned success that deserve to be shown in the brightest light possible. How The Dots Joined Up For Jeremy As there is no doubt that success does not show itself to anyone who is unwilling to do the hard work. Self development is key, and one of Jeremy’s biggest successes was when he failed at his first podcast. This made him realize he wasn’t an expert and needed to be willing to learn. He needed to understand what is needed to bring all the pieces together and make the engine of success work? So how did he find the thing that made him focus his energies in one direction? And where does he see so many people go wrong nowadays - not choosing wisely or just going the route of most congestion? Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Jeremy Slate. Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Jeremy Slate such as: Why the majority of people want to get into the podcasting space to become famous although they haven't truly defined what they are going to offer. Jeremy shares the transition that he went through to the find his success in life after the shock illness of his mother rocked his world. Why so many people are wanting to be passionate out of the gate instead of getting their head down and simply digging deep to find the passion. and lastly........ We discuss why it's so important to get your spider senses up and really focus on who you are building relationships with.

Direct download: Jeremy_Slate.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

What Does Fall Forward Mean?

Fall forward they say.

Fall forward and you cant ever fail.

But of course what does this really mean?

What does Fall Forward actually mean in real life when you are busy living life and simply trying to get by each day?

Through Join Up Dots journey to where it is today, there has been many many times when we could have stopped running the show. We weren't getting the listeners, or the income, or simply the effort was too much. At those times we had a choice to we keep on moving forward or just fall back into how life was before? That my friends is a big decision to make and one that we can answer without doubt - We were never going to go backwards, it was fall forwards all the way. How To Fall Forward With Ease I think the easiest way to fall forward is to be flexible as to what you want to achieve in life. You see if you only give yourself one or two options, and these dont go the way that you would like them to go then its going to be hard. You will look at your situation and think "I need to go backwards or at least change direction" However, if you are only look at the wider picture, and for example you want to be an actor instead of being James Bond then choose again - fall forward. I think that is sensible advice and one that can make the road to success so much enjoyable to take. Transcription Of Fall Forward With Denzel Washington David Ralph 0:01 Once upon a time, there was a guy with a dream a dream with his jobs for himself online and have a kick ass life working when he wanted him where he wanted across the world. Little did he know that dream would lead him into a world of struggle, burnout and debt, until he found the magic ingredient. And those struggles became a thing of the past. Oh man, of course, was bad person. And now My dream is to make things happen to you. Welcome to Join Up Dots. Intro 0:31 When we're young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be but somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here's your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph. David Ralph 0:57 Yes, hello. Good morning here. Good morning, and welcome. Come to a Join Up Dots. Yes, rolling into it feels like some have done it. It feels like summer. I'm looking at my window at the moment. I'm in a pair of shorts, a T shirt. And it looks like I could go running around the world, waving my manly body at people and I would be fine. But yeah, probably still cold outside, but it certainly feels like summer is on its way and it makes you feel good, doesn't it? It makes you feel good to feel that way. Well, today's episode is gonna be a very, very short one. But it's from a guy. It's from a guy called Scott who dropped me and he's he's dropped me a couple of emails recently giving me some advice about you know, content for the show. And I love that. I love that Scott. So thank you so much for dropping me alive. Because he does he knows I'm sitting here sometimes thinking bleeding Oh am I gonna do today because there's a lot of content to fill up. So if any of you guys are out there and you see something that's inspiring that you think you could share with the world. Drop it through At Join Up I'm just like Scott did. So Scott had sent me a video and he says, Mr. Ralph, you sexy man. As a longest term listener, I'm inspired by the value you give to people. Despite not being an entrepreneur, I'm a teacher, with a love of motivation and feel but below clip and these attached this clip could add relevance to your listeners. The clip offers two important pieces, which I believe are linked to your wider message number one, full forward of Yes, fall forward. I thought I said fail forward, my eyes are going fall forward, pull forward. When you fail, don't go back into the safety of previous living like you file but push on and work hard. Right? Okay. So that's the first great bit that we're going to hear. So there's all these things I see a lot of times when people will connect with me and say, Hey, I'm thinking of doing is doing XYZ and I actually had a message from lovely lady called Amy and Amy is hugely talented. As a sort of lounge singer, she's got this wonderful voice where she can, you know, sing, and it sounds like an old person's voice, but she's young and she's beautiful. So it's like the sort of 1950s or 1920s and I saw a video she gave me a video the other day of her doing gangster's Paradise by Coolio. And I like this. I didn't realise it was gangster's paradise until I got to the chorus, because it was such a different vibe, but she can do anything she wants. And now she has quit her job in a bank. And now she's transitioning to becoming a full time musician. And she connected with me and she said, I'm not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels so wrong at the moment. And I said, No, it's right. It's right because you were in comfort zone. You were in that that anchor but was rooting you to the spot. So do something if it doesn't feel right then do something else but just keep on moving forward. until you get to the dream because so many people, as Scott is referencing in this email will do something and go, Oh, don't like this and then go back. And I used to see that I used to work in insurance and banking. And people would sort of quit. And they would Well first of all, they would quit like, Oh, I I'm not happy here anymore. I want to go off and do my own thing. So they would leave an insurance company and go and work for an insurance company. It's the same thing, or other people will quit. And then you see him come back, and I go, No, don't as I say to people, you can't reheat a souffle, and I don't know where that phrase comes from. But basically, once you made a souffle, that's it. You can't ever make it. Do what he needs to do again. So don't go back. Don't go back. And the second point to this is give your ideas and potential a chance to flourish. Don't keep them locked away. Now the clip he sent me is a condensed version of a Denzel Washington speech. She will hear then We say Denzel over here but he says Denzel base that sounds a bit pompous. He didn't point to his originally by Les Brown. However, Denzel gets the point across concise and accurate. If you feel any of the clip has relevance and you'd like to add it to your sound clip repertoire, feel free to not only am I gonna do that, I'm gonna play the whole speech. So this is Denzel, a commencement speech speaking, like Steve Jobs does to a load of students. And he gives some great advice here is Denzel for forward. Fall Forward With Denzel Washington 5:34 This is what I mean. Reggie Jackson struck out 2600 times in his career the most in the history of baseball, but you don't hear about the strikeouts people remember the home runs Unknown Speaker 5:48 for forward. Fall Forward With Denzel Washington 5:50 Thomas Edison conducted 1000 failed experiments. Did you know that I didn't know that because the 1000 and first was the light bulb. Unknown Speaker 6:01 fall forward. Fall Forward With Denzel Washington 6:04 Every failed experiment is one step closer to success. You've got to take risks. And I'm sure you've probably heard that before. But I want to talk to you about why that's so important. I got three reasons and you can pick up your accident. Unknown Speaker 6:20 First, Fall Forward With Denzel Washington 6:23 you will fail at some point in your life accepted, you will lose, you will embarrass yourself, you will suck at something. There's no doubt about it. And I know that's probably not a traditional message for a graduation ceremony. But hey, I'm telling you embrace it, because it's inevitable. And I should know, in the acting business, you fail all the time early on in my career. I audition for a part in a Broadway musical. Perfect role for me I thought, except for the fact that I can't sing. So I'm in I'm about to go on stage. But the guy in front of me he's singing like, like, like Pavarotti just wrong. Just going on and on and on. And I'm just shrinking I'm getting smaller and smaller. So they say oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much and and you will you'll be hearing from us. So I come out with my little sheet music and it was it was a just my imagination by the temptations. That's what I came up with handed to the the accompanist and she looks at it and looks at me and looks at it the director and he's like, Alright, so I started, you know, I'm saying I'm coming away with me, and I'm not saying anything, so I'm thinking I'm getting better as I started to start getting into it. running this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Washington. Thank you. So I assumed I didn't get the job. But the next part of the audition, he called me back. The next part of the audition is the acting part of the audition. No, I'm like, hey, okay, maybe I can't sing, but I know I can act. So they pair me with this guy. And again, I didn't know about musical theatre. And musical theatre is big, so they can reach everyone all the way in the back of the stadium. And I'm more from a realistic naturalistic kind of acting where you, you know, you actually talked to the person next to me. So I don't know what my line was. My line was will hand me the cut. And his line was, well, I will hand you the cup, my dad, the cup will be there to be handed to you. Unknown Speaker 8:55 Okay. Fall Forward With Denzel Washington 8:58 Well Should I give you Come back. Oh, yes, give it back to me because you know, that is my cup, and it should be given back to me. I didn't get the job. But here's the thing. I didn't quit. I didn't fall back. I walked out of there to prepare for the next audition and the next audition and the next one is I prayed. I prayed. And I prayed. But I continue to fail and fail and fail, but it didn't matter because you know what? There's an old saying, You hang around the barbershop long enough, sooner or later you're going to get a haircut. So you will catch a break and I did catch a break. Last year I did a play called fences on Broadway. Someone talked about it won the Tony Award. I didn't have to sing by the way. But here's the kicker. It was at the Court Theatre. It was at the same theatre, that I failed that first audition 30 years prior. The point is, and I'll pick up the pace. The point is, every graduate here today has the training and the talent to succeed. But do you have the guts to fail? Is my second point about failure? If you don't fail? You're not even trying. I'll say it again. If you don't fail, you're not even trying. My wife told me this great expression. To get something you never had. You have to do something you never did. Les Brown's a motivational speaker. You made another analogy about this says, imagine you're on your deathbed. And standing around your deathbed are the ghosts representing your unfulfilled potential. The ghosts of the ideas you never acted on, the ghosts of the talents you didn't use, and they're standing around your bed, angry, disappointed and upset. They say we came to you, because you could have brought us to life they say. And now we have to go to the grave together. So I asked you today how many ghosts are going to be around your bed when your time comes? David Ralph 11:34 Isn't that powerful in that powerful that he just kept on going forward and bored. And as I was watching that I was referencing Join Up Dots because I've been doing it nearly seven years now six years of shows but seven years of preparation before I went live, and I have done so many things wrong. So many things. It's untrue. But just this week, I decided that I wasn't going to be on Facebook anymore. Personally, I found myself getting sucked into Facebook land. And so you can go over and you can hump for me. And I've deleted everything that I've ever done on Facebook in a personal manner. And as I was going through it, I kept on seeing all these names. And I think they were all over it. They were all over in the early stages, they were doing their own thing. They were hustling, and I don't see any of them. They've all given up, they've all moved on to other things. They just, they've changed direction or whatever, but that their face isn't visible in my world anymore. But I'm still going and I'm still moving. And I'm still standing as elton john said, and it's just getting better and better. And there's not a plan. Yes, I know so much. Now, there's so much I know about business. I'm teaching Tom and Glenn, one to one at the moment. they've signed up for my one to one business course and they are going to Life's changed because of what I've learned in the last seven years. But there was no blueprint for it. I just kept on trying things and moving forward and keep on going. And little by little things, find its shape and you find the success that you want. And it may not necessarily be the success you wanted in first place. Certainly, I had totally different dreams and, and ideals. When I started I wanted global domination I wanted to be famous, really, I suppose. And with podcasting, I don't think that's the right angle to go some people get that but it takes its toll on you. And now my goal is trying to get people to create their dream lives and move forward and learn online business and, and really give them the experience that I've I've gained, but there was no blueprint. I just kept on falling forward constantly every single day. Seven years even longer than that 15 years plus, some of my stuff has been online. And through that process, you get to where you want to be. So Scott, thank you so much for dropping us that line really, really appreciated it. What's that a couple of times I saw it about I don't know, a few years ago. And for some reason, I never brought it into the show. So powerful, powerful stuff. And really appreciate you taking the time, sir. And also for the other emails you've been sending through as well. So as I say, if anybody out there is watching YouTube or, or TV or wherever, and you see something, that's good, that's good. Send it through to us. And we will add it onto the show. And we'll give you a name check. And you can be famous in your own world, or just feel good, but you're actually helping other people. you're sharing the inspiration to get people to get their dream lives. And their little economists say I'm so inspired. Until next time, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening to Join Up Dots. Thank you so much for Denzel. And Scott, we'll see you again soon. Bye bye. You ready to make a full time living online? Check out the amazing Join Up Dots business coaching. Outro 15:10 Hello, my name is Alan. And I've just completed the excellent eight week course with David. Before I started working with David Actually, I had no idea at all, where to start. I had a lot of ideas about what I probably thought was going to be good in business. David was out to help me through that though, to find that passion. Within literally minutes. We had we had a business idea. And for the last seven weeks, we've been building on it and building on it and the position I'm in now, I don't think I've ever got here on my own Unknown Speaker 15:42 because of the amount of information that David gives the structure. He's got the full package here and he explains it in a way that I can understand. His support is is phenomenal. I feel like this is the way business is supposed to Unknown Speaker 15:56 work. David helped me understand Okay, what were the next logical steps that I shouldn't Do How can I get this up and running? So I would really recommend this as an excellent course helping you. If you have an idea if you have no idea, really teasing that out and at some of the practicalities and steps to take to really launch your business, whether as a full time job was a side hustle. So it was really excellent. I recommend it for anybody thinking about setting up their own business. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say David will totally save you, us. Thank you, David for all your amazing help and support which keeps on going. And we certainly couldn't be where we are today without you so your author, David Ralph 16:36 so if you would love to become my next success story and have your own life changing online business following my step by step system, buying tuned over many years to take away the effort and expense that others struggle with. Then come across to Join Up and book a free call with myself. Let's get you living the easy life as it's there waiting for you to get it. That is Join Up Nice coaching

Direct download: Denzel_Washington.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC

Introducing Denny From The Flat River Band Today's guest joining us on the Denny from the American up and coming Flat River Band. One thing is apparent when you listen to The Flat River Band. The trio, comprised of siblings Andy, Dennijo, and Chad Sitze, love to have fun when they are playing music – and it shows. This bond has carried the success of the band throughout the years as the trio has opened for the Dixie Chicks’ Natalie Maines, Alison Krauss, Ricky Skaggs, Rhonda Vincent, TG Sheppard, among others.  The brothers have also charted #1 hits on the bluegrass gospel charts as well as have had their songs featured in the 2018 movie “The Least of These — A Christmas Story” featuring Duane Allen (Oak Ridge Boys), Deborah Allen, and Tayla Lynn (Loretta Lynn’s granddaughter).  That unabandoned joy and love of music comes to the forefront when you listen to the band’s new album, Every Dog Has Its Day. The trio’s fifth effort is one that the band is very excited to bring to the attention of its fans. The Dots Join Up For Flat River Band Aaron McDaris who plays with Rhonda Vincent and the Rage was brought into play banjo, and much to the brothers’ surprise, he brought with him his 1934 Gibson RB-3 that was owned by Sonny Osborne who recorded the University of Tennessee’s theme song “Rocky Top” with that same banjo in 1967. One of Dennijo’s guitar superheroes, Johnny Hiland who is legally blind was brought in to play the electric guitar, while Stuart Duncan played fiddle. Those all-star names only add to the first—rate musicianship that fans have expected from The Flat River Band over the years. Again, Denny chalks that up to the undeniable bond between the three brothers that grew through a dozen years performing at Branson’s Silver Dollar City and five at Dollywood in Pigeon Forge. So how do you make a noise that gets heard in today's world of American Idol and instant gratification that actually builds a career? And is their path fixed and determined or simply understanding that somewhere down the line the dots join up to show the true story? Well lets find out as we bring onto the show the one and only Denny from the Flat River Band Show Highlights During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Denny from Flat River Band such as: How they toured as children with their parents, an unconventional childhood but one full of life lessons Denny shared how he had to learn not to press the hot buttons of his family even when he felt a desire to do so.. Why he and his brothers have vowed never to play the Broadway in Nashville again...although it teaches you so much in the process. Why no artist is better than the team that surrounds it, even if some members of that team turn out not to be the right ones. and lastly........ The magic of Dolly Parton who has remained firmly rooted to her humble beginnings no matter how big her star.

Direct download: Denny_Flat_River_Band.mp3
Category:Entrepreneurs -- posted at: 12:00am UTC